Relationship Remodel

Whew! Our marriage survived another remodel project. Fred and I have remodeled an entire house…if we lived in the same house all these years. Over our 25 years of marriage, there have been four houses and multiple home projects. We’ve remodeled a kitchen/living room and another kitchen, added an attached garage, replaced windows, built a couple of patios, added decks, created a mudroom in a section of a garage, built a pole barn (to “replace” the space lost in that garage), and updated (i.e., painting, flooring, trim, etc.) numerous rooms in every house. The latest remodel project…our master bathroom.

I’m a visual person so when my husband says we should blah, blah, blah, I usually wrinkle my nose and say I don’t think I’ll like how that will look. He either sketches a picture or I take a leap of faith (or both) and we go forward with the project. Inevitably, the completed project is much better than the visual I had in my head from his verbal explanation. This last project was no exception.

We practiced a lot of patience during the four-month renovation project…with the process (so many steps had to cure before we could move on!), with items to come in, and with each other. We, meaning mostly my husband, did the work, along with advice and help from our friends. The finished project is better than we imagined.

As I reflected on the project, I came to realize how much renovation/remodel projects are like relationships.

1. Our demolition included taking out the vanity, toilet, tub, and tile floor. While not all relationships have to be brought back to the studs, we often must start over. Go back to the beginning and rebuild. Forgive and move on.
2. Every part of the project had a messy component to it. It seemed like we were always cleaning something up. Like this project, relationships can be messy. Disagreements. Distrust. Miscommunication. Healthy relationships deal with the messes as they happen to keep the “project” going.
3. Often remodel projects take longer than planned. At about the three-month marker, we were ready to be done. If we chose to stop at that point, we would have a half-bath in our master bedroom. When we get tired of fighting through the tough parts of our relationships, it’s worth remembering that there is something better and beautiful if we don’t give up.
4. Every project cost something…time, money, patience. And sometimes those costs are more than we expect. Sounds a lot like relationships. Giving of yourself, being patient, and holding your tongue (I’m talking to me here), are often difficult to sustain. But they are also good investments to make in a relationship.
5. A weight off his shoulders. A deep, fresh breath for me. That’s what it felt like to complete our remodel project. And we celebrated. Dinner. A toast. A relaxing weekend talking about what we can do now in our free time. When we get to the other side of difficult times in our relationships we need to remember to celebrate. Celebrate that the relationship remains. Thank God for the opportunity to grow as a couple. Talk about your future together.

We all face project (trials) in our relationships. Financial struggles, infidelity, emotional instability, loss of loved ones, gross misunderstandings, and much more. Some projects just need a new paint job. Not to cover over the issue, but to bring a new fresh perspective. Other times we may need to tear it down to the studs and start over. Our relationships improve, grow stronger, and become deeper when we work through every part of the remodel process.

My husband and I have a list of house projects we would like to eventually accomplish. That list gives us something to look forward to together. I also know each project will give me an opportunity to strengthen my relationship with him. I love this “house” we’ve built together, no matter where it lives.