Being Thankful (in the Bathroom)

No one's favorite chore

“I love to clean the bathroom.” said no woman ever. If you’re like me, you do it because you ‘love a clean bathroom.’ There are definitely times I put off cleaning the bathroom for far too long and then really dread doing it. It’s usually at those times that my husband steps in and takes care of it for me. Yes, you read that right. My husband cleans the bathroom and has done so on many occasions.

This is just one of the many things that he does that I am thankful for (and it ranks high on the list). Just this week he fixed my treadmill and hung a picture in the guest room. He takes care of the lawn in the summer, the leaves in the fall, and the snow in the winter, all tasks I could do but prefer not to (especially picking up the dog poop that comes along with those jobs). Add to the list: car issues, plumbing problems, and making “stuff” for the house, all things I can’t do and would have to hire out. While I may do most of the shopping, cooking, cleaning, and laundry, he also pitches in to help.

Very thankful for this guy!

This isn’t a checklist for other wives to give their husbands, but rather reasons for me to express thanks to him. It’s also a reminder to recognize all the things we can be thankful for. Let’s face it, life gets hard. There are going to be stretches when it’s difficult to see anything done by your spouse, parent, child, friend, or co-worker that is worthy of thanks. It’s in those times that writing (or typing) a list is important. I realized this at the lowest time in my life. It wasn’t easy to come up with a thankful or appreciation list, but it helped me to focus on the good and positive things in my relationships rather than the negative.

Thankfulness is more than just making a list though. It’s acting on it as well. When we are thankful, we should be intentional about expressing that thanks. “Thank you for cleaning the bathroom. It looks great.” or “I hate picking up the dog poop. I’m sure you don’t like it either, but I’m glad you do it.” Writing, texting, or emailing a note or making a video are other ways to thank someone. If you’re not sure what to say, read the thank you cards at a store or Google ‘how to say thanks.’

Saying thank you or showing appreciation feels good. Not only for the person that is being thanked or appreciated, but also for the giver. This may sound convoluted, but when my husband cleans the bathroom, he is thanking me for all I do around the house. As he alleviates this task from me, it makes me feel good. I, in turn, thank him for cleaning the bathroom, making him feel good for the job he did. Being thankful can be a continual cycle of feeling good.

Thankfulness is a powerful tool to use in our relationships. While it’s not always easy, we can start small. Find one thing another person does for you and thank them regularly for it. The more we practice thanksgiving the easier it becomes. As we continue to thank one another with our words and actions, we will see our relationships flourish. I pray that you begin a thankfulness journey this Thanksgiving that continues throughout the year.

It Feels Good to Cry

Today, I cried. I’m not embarrassed though because crying is good for you (just Google benefits of crying). It wasn’t an angry cry or a hopeless cry or a frustrated cry or a sobbing cry or even a grieving cry, although I’ve had many of those over the years. If I had to categorize it, it was a sad cry.

This boy turned 19 today.

Our oldest turned 19 today. Every year, I write each of the boys a letter for their birthday. This isn’t a letter that they open on their birthday, but rather one that I tuck away for the future. The letter is a summary of their past year…milestones, friends, sports, vacations, behaviors, etc. I print it, put it in an envelope, and stick it in their “saving box,” the place where we store keepsakes for them like report cards, writings, art work, and awards. The boys know about the boxes and understand they will receive them when they are “old enough,” which I’m anticipating is when they buy a house and we deliver the boxes with the rest of their childhood “memorabilia.” I don’t scrapbook so these letters are my way of keeping an account of their lives.

It was while I was writing his letter this morning that I cried. As I thought of his first year of college and all that transpired, I was overwhelmed with a mixture of sadness and pride. Sad that he is no longer around all the time yet proud that he is growing into a responsible young adult. He has handled adversity well and has learned some great life lessons this year.

I’m quite the emotional person and have been known to cry easily (to the embarrassment of our kids). I sobbed watching the movie “Up.” (More than once.) Stories of individuals doing something special for others, like caring for the homeless or the TV show Extreme Home Makeover, make me teary. When I see other people cry, I cry. While water ekes out of my eyes in each of these situations, none refresh my soul like a good alone cry. It’s during those times that I reflect, talk to God, and let the tears freely flow. After all, every one of those tears is washing away stress hormones from my body. What’s not good about that?

I know men tend not to cry as often as women, but I hope as our boys become men, they will experience the release that occurs when they allow themselves to cry. Whether they cry alone, with a significant other, or in a room full of people, I hope they find comfort through the tears, just like their mom does.

Vacation Reconnect

Five destinations. Ten days. Twenty-five hundred miles. And we are still talking to one another.

While our high school junior spent Spring Break on a school trip in the Netherlands and our oldest is away at college, my husband and I decided to practice being empty nesters by taking an extended vacation alone. Alone meaning together…in the car…for 10 days. Did I mention 2,500 miles? It wasn’t actually 10 days in the car, more like six travel days of four to nine hours with some local driving at our destinations. And it wasn’t quite alone all the time. Four of the five destinations were spent reconnecting with family and friends.

At our first stop in St. Louis, MO, we had dinner with friends we made while working in Alaska 24 years ago. We reminisced about the past and talked about our jobs, kids, and futures. Our second destination brought us to my brother-in-law’s place. Over this three-day visit, we enjoyed lots of laughs and got to know his fiancé and her children. While in Nashville, TN, we really were alone. We walked, talked, fished, ate great food, and listened to some good music. In Gatlinburg, TN we stayed with friends who rented a house in the mountains for their Spring Break. It was a joy to continue this friendship in such a beautiful part of the country. Our last stop was in Louisville, KY where we caught up with Fred’s sister and brother-in-law. While our families may be close at heart we are geographically distant, so every chance we get to spend together, no matter how short, is worth it.

As I reflect on this trip, I am so grateful for the family and friends God has brought into my life. Relationships are not always easy to develop and sustain. It takes time and when we are raising families, it seems there is never enough time to stay connected. This connection also applies to our marriages. As we near empty nesting, I look back and am reminded how important it is to spend time with one another to cultivate that relationship. As we raised the boys we didn’t always make the time to spend together. Sure, there were lots of family vacations and forced family fun times. Fred and I had occasional dates and special anniversary vacations when we were alone, but no regularly scheduled date nights. I hope we are able to help our boys make date nights a priority when they have kids of their own (preferably many years from now).

This vacation reminded me of a younger us, before kids. Thank goodness we have both grown over our almost 23 years of marriage though. There were plenty of times during this trip that could have been points of contention earlier in our lives. Driving (Do I even need to say the word ‘directions’?) and in the mountains no less; mountain biking (Fred is much more adventurous than me on the trails.); fishing (I haven’t fished since Alaska and don’t have the patience he does.); eating (I need fruits and veggies once in a while!); activities (I tend to have more varied interests than him.). In addition, I didn’t over plan the vacation and Fred didn’t complain about driving. We moved a little slower, went to bed a little earlier, were more patient with one another, and sought to make each other happy. We just might survive life without kids if we keep this up.

Did we miss the kids? Of course, but we texted and talked to them, and bragged about what a great time we were having. In less than 18 months, we will officially be empty nesters. We’ll continue to miss them (on vacation or not), but want them to move on with their lives. Just like us.