Loyalty

Our dog, Zoey, has a routine every morning. Her routine has become my routine as I am the first one up in the morning. She eagerly wags her tail and looks at me from her room (the mudroom), waiting to get some attention. When I go in there, she lays on her back for me to pet her belly. I’ll give her a few half-hearted pets and let her out, reminding her at least twice to go “potty.” She comes back in and eats, then jumps excitedly around until she finally lies down again for some more belly time. After I’ve had enough of it (I’d like to think it was five minutes, but it’s more like one or two), I send her back outside again. In five minutes or so, she is waiting at the slider glass door for someone to notice her and let her back in.

When our 14 year old was five, he started asking for a dog. He drew pictures and told his kindergarten teacher all the fun things he was going to do with his dog, like jumping over our creek in the front yard and playing fetch. For five years he kept asking for a dog. I, of course, had every excuse in the book not to get a dog. We were too busy with sports. I didn’t want to clean up dog hair. Who was going to pick up the poop in the yard? It’s expensive to have a dog. I saw it as one more responsibility on me that I did not want to take on at that time…or ever.

 

One day I walked into the house and there was a note on the counter…To Mom. When I asked what it was, I was instructed by our son to just read it. It read, “Mom, you know I have wanted a dog as long as I knew what one was. If you let me get a dog, I promise to take care of it. I will help clean up the dog hair and poop. I will even help pay for food when I can.” There were some other guilt-rendering comments, and it ended with, “Please check yes or no.” I still did not want to get a dog, but my motherly heart was touched. He had been asking for so long and now asked so sweetly, how could I resist?

Zoey, a chocolate lab, entered our lives four years ago. She was the cutest puppy, the runt of the litter. Over the course of her first summer, we thought we were blessed. She would poop in the woods! That lasted until winter. Within her second year, we realized she had a very submissive temperament. She would, and still does, “army crawl” toward someone she does not know or another dog. Upon reaching the person or dog, she rolls over onto her back. She does not bark, whine, growl, or act aggressive. She does sing when the boys play their instruments, and begs to go to bed around 9:30. Interesting how dogs have a personality of their own.

 

Part of Zoey’s personality is her loyalty. She always wants to be with me. When I shower, she waits outside the door for me. When I walk with her, she looks up at me like she’s having a great time. When I am stretching after exercising, she’s right there. She even moves to the other side of my body when I stretch on that side. Her wagging tail and the way she looks at me in the morning, or when I get home, lets me know that she likes me. No matter how much she gets ignored, she keeps coming back like nothing has changed.

Before I paint an unrealistic picture, life with Zoey isn’t all Pollyanna-like. I still sweep and vacuum up dog hair. We still have to buy dog food, treats, toys, and bedding. When we want to go away, we have to find someone to watch her. (Although she has adopted another wonderful family with six kids who give her LOTS of attention!) I feel guilty when she hasn’t been walked in days. She often gets underfoot when I try to get something done. If she gets sick, we have to clean it up. Even with all this, life with her has been good.

We have relationships with our pets. Maybe not the same as the complicated relationships we have with our human counterparts, but a relationship nonetheless. We care for them, spend time with them, and enjoy their company. In return we get love and loyalty. These are my insights and observations of our relationships with our pets…from the one who didn’t want a dog.

Family Vacations

We recently returned from a family vacation to Ft. Myers Beach, FL for Spring Break. I love to go away with my family. It doesn’t matter if it’s a day trip, weekend trip, or an actual “get out of Michigan” vacation. Over the years I have realized how important vacations are for relationships.

Our vacation began by leaving late afternoon on a Thursday. The five of us left in our 168,000-mile, somewhat five-seater Santa Fe vehicle. Fortunately, our 55 pound chocolate lab was the fifth passenger, and she was getting dropped off four hours down the road. The traffic was light, the weather was clear, and we were making good time. After leaving the dog with some very good friends, we were on our way to warmer weather. My husband and I prefer to drive through the night when we drive to Florida. The traffic is lighter, and by the time we get tired, it is beginning to get light out and a new day is beginning. After 20 or so hours of driving, we arrived at a hotel to spend the night. Reaching this first leg of our trip at 1:00 in the afternoon was awesome as we sat by the pool in the warm sun, relaxing our crowded minds.

When we reach Florida the next day, we were definitely in vacation mode. While there, we spent time at the beach, time at the pool, and time with friends and family.  My husband was able to fish, I read, and the boys did what teenage boys do on vacation…have fun. No matter where we go on vacation, how we get there, or how long we stay, I always appreciate the time we get to spend together, away from the daily grind of life. Even cooking, doing dishes, or washing clothes on vacation seems easier than at home.

Our vacation this year was even more special to me due to the

relationships we sustained. We were able to see my husband’s brother, who actually lives in Montana. He happened to be working a couple of hours from where we were staying. We also

spent time with two of my husband’s uncles and a cousin, who he hasn’t seen in over 13 years. The time we spent with friends was just as enjoyable as the time we spent with family. Isn’t it ironic that we have to go on vacation to find time to spend with friends from home?

This may sound like the perfect vacation, but I don’t think we’ve ever had one. The trials we endure on vacation are just as important in building our relationships as the fun parts. Driving home to Michigan from Florida on I-75 after the Easter holiday week is like waiting in line for a ride at an amusement park. You don’t move very fast and you see the same people (cars in this case) over and over again. While my husband has little patience for this type of driving, even I was getting frustrated with how long it took us to just get out of Florida. We had planned on spending the night somewhere on the road, but we had lost so much time that we decided to push through and drive through the night. As difficult as this was, the fact that we were able to spend a stress-free day at home, before our busy schedules of school and work, was worth it.

We’ve had other vacations that were less than perfect. The Christmas my husband and I got engaged, we were driving from the Upper Peninsula in Michigan to the Detroit area. As we were crossing the Mackinac Bridge, the 1968 Ford truck we were driving started to make a humming noise. Within five miles after crossing the bridge, one of our back tires rolled past us into the median. We’ve had plenty of mishaps on our sailing vacations as well. There’s a running joke that we honor the water gods every year because we lose something overboard. Sometimes it’s a small thing like a tool or a towel, but there have been much bigger items like the grill grate or the dinghy. On every two week vacation we’ve attempted, we’ve realized that nine days is our family’s max. By day nine, my husband wants to sleep in his own bed, the boys miss their friends, and I want to get back to some normalcy in our lives. Even with all the trials, I look back at these times and am thankful that we continue to go on vacation.

We may not have had any vacations like the Grizwold’s (i.e., Chevy Chase’s family vacation movies), but even with the disagreements over where to eat, worrying about spending too much money, and situations beyond our control, I wouldn’t trade any of the time we’ve spent together as a family. Every time together is an opportunity to learn more about each other. It’s a chance to create memories that we can tell to our children or grandchildren. It’s the sense of pride in knowing that we endured some discomfort and survived…while having fun in the process (well, at some point we had fun). I’m looking forward to the next vacation, wherever it takes us.

Miles driven: 3,500

Eating at fast food restaurants: $200
Gas to drive 50 hours in a smallish car: $500
Watching my family while they sleep in the car: Priceless

The Start of a Relationship

I first started to think about blogging when our two boys were young. The idea would float around in my mind as I spent time playing with the kids in the yard, watching them learn new things, and yes, even disciplining them. I wanted to write a parenting blog to share my experiences and help others navigate the journey of raising kids. As the years passed though, I started moving away from the ‘raising kids’ idea and started thinking about life’s relationships.

While my children are one of the most important parts of my life, so are my husband, my parents, and my close relatives. They all help to make up who I am and are part of this adventure of life. Maybe I’m showing my age, but I started reflecting on the friends I’ve encountered over the years, those that are lifelong friends as well as those who impacted my life for a very short time. A younger me moved almost every year or two. (My mother once made the comment that she had to put my address in pencil in her address book.) With every move came new friends, new experiences and new relationships. As I recently changed jobs (my mini mid-life crisis), I started to reflect on my past jobs and the relationships I developed with my co-workers and bosses. Each of these relationships, and many others, affected my life and helped me to grow as a person. I believe that no matter how much life changes in music, fashion, technology, and careers, our relationships in general have not changed. We share similar relationships (spouses, kids, friends, co-workers, etc.). We enjoy them, struggle through them, and learn from them. While the situations my grandparents may have encountered were different than mine, they still had to relate to one another, their children, and their friends, very much the same as I do today. The more I contemplated relationships, the more I knew I wanted to write about them.

Two individuals played a part in encouraging me to start this blog, even if they don’t realize it. Rather than harping on our 13 year old son to quit filling his head with “useless sports statistics,” I started encouraging him to start a sports blog (http://www.astheclockrunsdown.blogspot.com). He’s a great writer, loves watching ESPN and reading Sports Illustrated, and can remember information like a computer. By encouraging him to start a blog, I realized we could experience this journey together, something I love doing with my kids. The other person who influenced me to start a blog was one of my oldest (not in age), dearest friends from elementary school who has started her own blog (http://hatofmanycolors.wordpress.com/2013/01/). In her first blog post, she mentions reading a tweet that writers should first write for themselves, then for others. I realized all along I had been trying to decide what to write to help others and not for me. While I am not a psychologist, nor claim to be an expert on relationships, I like to talk about them. I also thought it would be a legacy to leave for my children to refer to as they struggle with relational issues throughout their lives. Thus Relationally Yours began.