Balancing Your Life to Be Your Best

One of the reasons I created this blog was to leave a legacy for our boys to use as they go through life. Something that will, hopefully, encourage them when they struggle...or just for enjoyment/memory sake. I hope that this entry will be one they take to heart when they find life getting too stressful.

We are a family of overachievers, well, most of us anyway. We work hard at what we do, and dare I say, want to be the best at it. While being the best is not such a bad thing, it can have negative consequences if we lose perspective. I'd like to instill in my children to be THEIR best in all they do rather than trying to be THE best in particular areas of their lives. There are four reasons why I think trying to be THE best, whether it's in one area or many, creates stress in one's life.

Trying to be the best can be very difficult, especially if we try to be the best in all areas of our lives. Even as we try to be the best in one area of our life, other parts suffer. There are countless personal, local, and national stories to support this. Here are some examples:

Courtesy of Brian Zaikowski
http://www.dementeddenizens.com/

• People who work long, hard hours to be the best in their careers end up losing relationships with family and friends. Some of the time invested in their career could have been spent cultivating their most important relationships. The flip side of this is also true. Too much time spent developing a relationship can cause a career to suffer if the work does not get done.
• Wanting to be the best parent may cause conflict with a spouse or other family members. Too often, being the best parent leads to becoming friends with the child rather than parent. As a spouse or friend or family member points this out, it often creates stress in that relationship.
• After a failed marriage, some people put all their energy into being the best spouse in the next marriage. This often results in their relationships with children from their first marriage to suffer. On the flip side of this, second marriages sometimes suffer because one spouse focuses too much on their children from the first marriage rather than the spouse.

A second reason why I believe trying to be the best causes stress is that sustaining being the best in something can be physically, mentally, and emotionally draining. Over time, a person can become burned out, worn down, and depressed by trying to keep up the level of energy necessary to be the best. Athletes experience this. They may be the best for a particular event or season, but to continue that stature for a long period of time, may end up turning to drugs. Individuals who overwork themselves turn to drugs and alcohol to help them sleep or relax or forget about missing out on significant events in their families' life.

Being the best is relative. There is going to be someone else, somewhere, that is  better. More and more, we live in a global society which makes this even more true. Whether it be athletics, education, career, parenting, or hobbies, there are others who are just as good, if not better, than we are. Comparing ourselves to other people can cause stress.

The last point is that there is always room to improve. No matter how good we are at something, we can always be better. This is not to discourage, but to keep the idea of 'being the best' in perspective. Rather than focusing on being better than others, we should focus on how we can improve in the different areas of our lives.

Being your best is doing the best you can without sacrificing other areas of your life. For example, coaching your kid's sports team and still being home for dinner most nights, creates balance between work and children/family. Committing to a weekly date night helps to keep your spouse in balance with other areas of your life. Keeping your finances in balance reduces the stress in your relationships and on your health. Getting together with family and friends monthly, or as often as possible, reminds you of how important those relationships are to your overall being. Eating healthy and exercising go a long way in allowing you to enjoy other areas of your life.

Doing our best is something we should all strive for, whether it be in our careers, relationships, or other areas of our lives. Not that you have to be the best in all areas of your life, but that you work equally hard in striving to balance being your best in all areas. Balance will lead to longer, richer relationships, which in turn, will lead to less stress in your life.

What You Mean to Me

I didn’t intend for this to be posted around Thanksgiving, but it sure fits with the season.

As we interact with others, we may never know what our relationships mean to them. It seems like we often wait too long to tell others what they mean to us…usually after terrible accidents, disease diagnoses, or at funerals. If we would like others to share what we mean to them, we should tell them how much they mean to us. I wish I did a better job of this with those around me. I have a couple of friends who are very good about sharing, with me, the importance of our relationship. It sure feels good to hear it.

While I may not share it enough, I treasure all my relationships, even the difficult ones (maybe not during the trying time, but in hindsight). I believe people have been put in our lives for a purpose, some for the long haul, and others for just a brief time. We get to enjoy/not enjoy new experiences in life with them, learn lessons from them (both good and bad), and walk this journey without doing it alone. If you are reading this and you know me, please be assured that whatever our relationship, past or current, has had an impact on my life, and I am grateful for it.

Below is our youngest son’s hero essay, written about his dad. This is a great example of the importance of relationships. While my husband may think that our son likes me “better” because he is more affectionate toward me or because we are like two peas in a pod (which is not always good), this essay shows what my husband really means to our son. 

He's Always There For Me    
    My hero taught me to love three things: God, family, and hockey. These may not be important to you, but these are the three most important things in my life. Nobody could ever take away these things, or what I have learned from them. My hero helped me learn about all of these things. My hero is my father.
    I've learned many things from my father. One thing that I look forward to every year is deer camp. I have been going to deer camp with my father ever since I was in fourth grade. I spend lots of time with my dad when we are hunting, and I have a lot of fun on these weekends together. Another thing I enjoy doing with my father is fishing. Many times we will just go out and go fishing. He has taught me a lot about how to fish, and now I often tease him about being better than him. This quality time that we spend together is something that I enjoy.
    My dad takes us to church, like many parents, so I would grow up learning about God. He has told me many stories about how God has helped him in his life, and helped me to better understand many of the things I learn in church. This is what I am most grateful for, him passing on to me the knowledge of God.
    My father has also made it important for us to spend time together as a family. We go on vacation together, often driving for countless hours at a time. We go on boat trips together, sailing for a week together on a boat. Of course there have been rough times in these experiences together, but he has taught me how to work through these struggles together. He has also taught me that family and God are the two things you must always love, no matter how mad they make you, they will always love you.
    The third most important thing in my life is sports, but mostly hockey. My dad has played hockey his whole life. Growing up, he was my role model and I wanted to be just like him, so of course that meant I would grow up to become a hockey player. At first it was frustrating, falling again and again, but my dad was always there to pick me up, offer some tips, and then let me go to try again. I have now played hockey for most of my life, and it has changed me. No matter where I am, if there is a sheet of ice somewhere I want to be skating on it.
    My hero has helped me learn that no matter what I'm going through in life, God, family, and hockey will always be there for me. Even when we are busy in our lives, and don't spend much time together, his many stories and lessons will be with me forever. 

In response to this essay, I’m going to spend some time thinking of the heroes in my life and the ways I can let them know how much they mean to me. I might just tell them…maybe at lunch…or send an email or card…maybe create a video or picture collage…I could write an essay…or sing a song (ok, maybe just play a song)…you get the picture. It doesn’t matter how I do it, as long as my message get through, “Here’s what you mean to me.”

Importance of Relationships in Battles

Have you ever had a friend, family member, or yourself go through a trying time? Maybe it was a situation or circumstance that was difficult, and in turn, strained a relationship or relationships. If you haven’t, you should feel blessed because for the most part, we all have them at some point in our lives.

When I look back at times in my life where I have felt the weight of something that was happening at a particular time, I think, how did I ever get out of that (or over it)? At these times, I see a battlefield. A line drawn in the sand where two camps are set up on either side. On one side is Satan/Evil/The Dark Side with his minions. On the other is me, or whoever I see is struggling. Satan is constantly sending fiery darts, things like lies, insults, situations, temptations, etc. at me. While I begin standing tall, I do get hurt. Over time I start to focus on where it hurts and take my eyes off the battle. I continue to get attacked and soon am bent over, finally falling to my knees and then on the ground. Sometimes it’s like I can’t fight any longer.

This is where relationships come in. I see others on my side. There are family members and friends who are there to fight for and with me, supporting me, encouraging me, praying for me. And over time (everything takes time) my wounds heal and I can begin to stand again. Maybe weakly at first, but I become stronger with their support. There may be times that I get hit again and fall, but I can get back up. That’s why relationships are so important in our lives. We cannot fight life’s battles all on our own. We need people there to be in our corner, to fight on our behalf.

One of the ways in which I feel I have strength to stand, not that I am always strong, is from my upbringing. Ephesians 6:10-18 discusses putting on God’s complete armor. This is a song we sang when I was a kid.

Put on God’s complete armor, so that you can successfully resist…all of the Devil’s methods of attack. You must wear truth as your belt, righteousness as your breastplate. The gospel of peace, firmly on your feet, salvation as your helmet. And in your hand the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God. Lift up over all, faith as your shield, lift up over all, faith as your shield, for it shall quench any flaming arrow the enemy fires at you.

Whether you are a Christian or not, many of these pieces of armor are good to have to fight the battles in your life.

Truth. Who doesn’t want truth in their lives? We want people to be truthful with us, we want to know the truth, and we want people to believe us. Often times when we are attacked, we question the truth. We believe lies, whether they are about us or others in our lives. In turn, it brings us down. It hurts us. By wearing truth as your belt, you are seeking the truth instead of believing everything that is hurled at you.

Peace. Don’t we all want peace at home, at work, and within ourselves? I find it interesting that in the song above, peace is on your feet. Wherever we walk, we should be bringing peace and finding peace. What is peace? According to Wikipedia, peace is an absence of hostility. Peace also means healthy interpersonal relationships. That sounds like something we could all use.

Faith. It’s interesting that faith is a shield. When singing this song, I see myself holding up my shield to stop a fiery dart that may be coming at me. But when I am weak, I cannot hold up that shield any longer. I may even be crouched on the ground, hiding under it, but I still have faith. Faith that things will get better. Faith that I can win this battle.  We can all use a little faith.

Along with truth, peace, and faith, we also need people on the battlefield with us. Often times we fight amongst ourselves on this side of the battlefield. If we view life as a battlefield and focus on supporting one another to fight off whatever it is that attacks us, we can be stronger. If you look at the bigger picture, we are not enemies. The enemy is the lies, deception, etc. that infiltrate our lives. By fighting together and supporting one another, we can help each other to overcome those difficult situations and circumstances we all encounter.

Relationships in Pictures

Ever stop to think about your relationships? Spend some time looking at your pictures. I recently was looking for a photo and ended up spending too many hours much later into the night than I had planned. Pictures are reminders of our lives and our relationships...people, places, and things that have impacted us.

As I looked through the photographs, I was reminded of how much my husband and I have been through in our 19 years of marriage. We met while working for a tall ship company. We spent a summer in Alaska before getting married. We've had eight addresses and have been fortunate to have had multiple travel opportunities over the years. In that time we had a miscarriage, five degrees, two awesome boys, a well-behaved dog, career changes, seven cars, our mothers dying too young, and some form of floatation device (i.e., sailboat, powerboat, canoe, kayak, windsurfer, noodles, etc.). Our life has had its struggles as well as joys, but what relationship doesn't?

I reflected on other relationships as well. (Remember, I stayed up longer than I should have.) There were pictures of friends we've had for many, many years, along with people who had entered our lives for a very short time. It brought back memories of all the fun things we've done with others such as boating, camping, skiing, and Spring Breaks. Some friends show up in pictures year after year, while some exist in one lone picture (but still a memory and a relationship had). The pictures even brought back sad memories of friends or family lost to death or relationships that just didn't work out.

Seeing how our kids, and us, have grown over the years is bittersweet. While I see all the wonderful memories we've made, I know the time is too soon when our boys will be on their own. At that point, the pictures I take will begin to change. The pictures of times spent with our friends and their families will be replaced with just us "old" guys...meaning the parents. (I'm actually looking forward to this.) Pictures of us and our kids will be replaced with them and their girlfriends, spouses, and eventually children...more new relationships to begin. Family gathering pictures will start missing loved ones as they age and pass away.

Over a lifetime we all develop a lot of relationships. With these relationships come great times and hardships. Whether it be with a spouse, sibling, child, parent, friend, boss, or coworker, there are going to be phases in each relationship. Remember to enjoy the great times and work through the hard times because relationships make up our lives. Looking at these pictures has reminded me how blessed my life has been. If you are one of those relationships in my life, thank you for doing life with me.

Driver's Education

Our eldest son, Kyle, started driver’s training last week, even though he’s 14.* While it's hard to believe this phase of his life is upon us, I'm glad it's finally here. Not just for the convenience this will offer us (in 13 more months), but being able to say "yes" when he asks to drive (next month) will be great. Over the last year or so, we've often heard..."Can I drive?" "I'll drive!" "When can I drive?" Each time my response has been..."Not yet." "Soon." "I wish." "If you could, I'd let you."

As I reflect on his path to this point, I see how he has been practicing for this event. It all  started with his red Radio Flyer tricycle. Even before he could pedal the tricycle, he wanted to ride it. We'd push him around the cement slab or parking lot, wherever we happened to be. He eventually learned to pedal it himself, but got frustrated with his lack of speed. When the tricycle wasn't exciting enough, he moved onto a battery-powered four wheeler with slick plastic wheels. This was the first time I worried about his driving skills...too fast. Next was his bicycle, with training wheels, of course. He would race around on that bike in the driveway, teetering back and forth between wheels. It wasn't long before he raced around on his bike everywhere we went, on two wheels. After his bike, came the neighbor's 50cc motorcycle that he almost drove into a tree. Then grandpa bought a golf cart for great-grandpa to get around the property. Kyle first got to drive it under adult supervision, but was soon driving it alone, or with passengers. He loves to drive the golf cart, fast and backward.

I have seen growth and confidence in Kyle's "driving" abilities over the years. Learning the biking rules of the road has helped him understand stopping at intersections, staying on his side of the road, and watching out for others. He learned to use one foot to control the pedals on the golf cart rather than two. As for confidence, it didn't matter if it was skills in school, sports, music, or hobbies, the more confident he had in his abilities, the better he became. I hope that continues as he practices driving. While I love seeing him confident, I don't necessarily like watching him drive the golf cart (or the car) around backward.

In each phase of Kyle's growth, I also learned to trust him a little more. Trust that he had enough balance to not fall on his bike. Trust that he would stop at the next intersection when he would ride ahead of me. Trust that he wouldn't go too fast and watch where he was going on the golf cart. Now as he ventures into driving a car, I have to learn to trust his judgment, trust his skills, and trust he uses the car wisely. While I'm sure I will worry about him, especially when he gets his license and drives alone, I know this is an important step in his journey to adulthood. I look forward to participating in this exciting part of his life, building memories that I hope he will remember when he goes through the same experience with his kids.

 
*Driver’s education has changed in Michigan since I took it. Students can now start driver’s training when they are 14 years and 8 months. They go through Segment 1, which is 24 hours of classroom time, six hours behind the wheel, and four hours of observation while another student is behind the wheel. Once they have their Level 1 license for at least three months and acquired 30 hours of driving experience, with some night hours in there, they can take Segment 2. After six hours of classroom instruction in Segment 2, they can receive their driver’s license at 16 years old.

Summer Relationship with the Kids

As summer approaches, I get that excited feeling of a new schedule and a little more freedom. For ten years, I was able to spend extra time in the summer with our boys. We would spend hours at the beach, riding bikes, and going to playgrounds/parks. We spent more time sleeping in (at least they did), being outside, and just being together.

Over the years my time spent with the boys during the summers has been enjoyable and fulfilling, finding a good mix of what they wanted to do and what I wanted to do. For many years, the main activity the boys wanted to do was go to a skate park. While we’ve been to quite a few different

Skatepark in Years Past

skate parks, they have their favorite where I have spent countless hours planning for the next school year, reading a book I told myself I would get to during the summer, or visiting with friends and family that I could cajole into coming along. (I do have a good friend whose son wanted to spend as much time at the skate park as my kids.) The memories I have of watching them grow and improve in their skateboarding/biking/rollerblading skills, seeing their interpersonal skills increase, and discussing various topics to and from the skate parks has been worth every minute, even the ones where I complained about going or being there.
My favorite thing to do in the summer, or any time, is to travel. It doesn’t really matter where we go; it’s just the enjoyment of spending time together, getting out of the regular routine, and creating memories that make travelling appealing to me. Whether alone or with friends, I have subjected the boys to numerous trips to Grandma and Grandpa’s, camping, waterfall viewing, historical sites, a mine tour, and our yearly visit to Castle Rock. They have spent countless hours in the car, listening to my music, reading their books, playing video games, and watching movies. Even when plans didn’t go as expected, like when we experienced mosquitos so thick we had to stay in the tent, I loved being with the kids.

One of my fondest memories of spending time with the boys was the summer reading program we did each year. For many years there was a theme, such as a bookshelf, a refrigerator, and a tree. After the boys read a book, they would add it to the bookshelf, choose an item to go in the refrigerator with the book name on it, or add the book name to an apple for the tree. We set reading goals, starting with something simple and inexpensive, like read 25 books (when the books took them a short time to read) for ice cream, up to 100 books to go to Michigan’s Adventure. As they got older and read chapter books, we used a certain number of chapters instead of books. A few years ago we read the Hunger Games trilogy as a family, sharing the same book. That was interesting!

Now that the boys have gotten older, they don’t want/need to spend as much time with me, so I have to look for other ways to continue to build our summer relationship. They are old enough to have lawn mowing jobs, but not old enough to drive there themselves. By taking them to their lawn mowing jobs, I still get the opportunity to talk with them about various topics. I am helping them track their time, invoice it, and manage the money they make, all skills that will benefit them in their future. Whether I am driving them to a friend’s house, providing food to their friends here, or supporting them at an athletic event or other extra-curricular, I am showing them how important they are to me.

In a child’s life, summer is a very precious time. In a parent’s life, the summers (and years) go by all too fast. I want to take advantage of every minute I can to develop my relationships with the boys, before they are on their own. I know that our relationship will change then, and I want to have a strong foundation for what is to come. After my relationships with God and my husband, my boys are the most important relationships I want to keep until I no longer breathe. In order to do that, I have to continually work at them, finding ways to connect, keeping communication open, and being there when they need me. The best part about it is that I don't mind working at it...especially in the summer.

Relationship Priorities

What would we be without relationships? The Free Dictionary defines relationships as the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected. Not only are we connected as humans, but we are also connected to our technologies, our possessions, and our beliefs. How we are connected defines the type of relationship. For example, some may say that today’s youth have an obsessive relationship with their cell phones. There may be strained relationships amongst family members. We have casual relationships with acquaintances. Some people have a healthy relationship with their pets (for those who spend time and exercise with them regularly). Regardless of the type of relationship, we all engage in them.

Because any type of human involved relationship (i.e., human to human, human to object) takes time, and time is limited, we have to prioritize which relationships are most important. I’ve had to re-evaluate my relationships in the not too distant past. I allowed my relationship with my job take priority over my family relationships. I found myself being encompassed with what had to be done, who needed help, and how was I going to get it all done. I allowed the job to occupy my time and mind when I should have been focused on building my family relationships.  It seemed I could never keep up, get ahead, or improve in my career. The more time I put into it, the further I found myself from my family. I finally realized that being there for my husband and kids physically was not really “being” there. Fortunately no tragedies have occurred before I was able to reorder my priorities to put my relationships back where they belong. [A few weeks ago there was a school van accident near us where the coach and a student died. The other players in the van were seriously injured. I see this as a major incident that would cause me to reorder my priorities, and one that I would prefer not happen for me to realize they needed changing.]

 

My Grandma and Aunt at hospital

Just two weeks ago another event caused me to look at my relationship priorities again. My spry 80 year old grandma had surgery on a cancerous tumor in her brain. She came through the surgery with flying colors and is going through rehab to retrain her brain. She is a remarkable woman. She golfs on two leagues in the summer and bowls on two leagues in the winter. Her positive attitude is refreshing to see. Our relationship is very close, yet I don’t take the time to visit her often as she lives eight hours away. We talk every Saturday, but I seem to find excuses for not driving there. It’s very easy to make excuses when you have a husband, kids, dog, job, etc. Traveling or even driving for me is not an excuse as I love to do it. I just haven’t made it a priority to schedule time to drive down to see her. Her prognosis for surviving the cancer is not long, and I am going to make it down there as often as I can. Unfortunately, it took this disease to make me reorder my priorities.

 Why is it that major events have to happen in our lives to get our attention and get us to look at our relationships with others? Whether it be a disease, an accident, an affair, or financial disaster, these events stop us in our tracks and force us to reflect on the relationship. The closer a relationship, the more the event affects us. While these recent events in my life have not been easy and caused me to see faults in myself, I wouldn’t trade the relationships for anything. I would much prefer to journey through life with others than try to face it alone.

Loyalty

Our dog, Zoey, has a routine every morning. Her routine has become my routine as I am the first one up in the morning. She eagerly wags her tail and looks at me from her room (the mudroom), waiting to get some attention. When I go in there, she lays on her back for me to pet her belly. I’ll give her a few half-hearted pets and let her out, reminding her at least twice to go “potty.” She comes back in and eats, then jumps excitedly around until she finally lies down again for some more belly time. After I’ve had enough of it (I’d like to think it was five minutes, but it’s more like one or two), I send her back outside again. In five minutes or so, she is waiting at the slider glass door for someone to notice her and let her back in.

When our 14 year old was five, he started asking for a dog. He drew pictures and told his kindergarten teacher all the fun things he was going to do with his dog, like jumping over our creek in the front yard and playing fetch. For five years he kept asking for a dog. I, of course, had every excuse in the book not to get a dog. We were too busy with sports. I didn’t want to clean up dog hair. Who was going to pick up the poop in the yard? It’s expensive to have a dog. I saw it as one more responsibility on me that I did not want to take on at that time…or ever.

 

One day I walked into the house and there was a note on the counter…To Mom. When I asked what it was, I was instructed by our son to just read it. It read, “Mom, you know I have wanted a dog as long as I knew what one was. If you let me get a dog, I promise to take care of it. I will help clean up the dog hair and poop. I will even help pay for food when I can.” There were some other guilt-rendering comments, and it ended with, “Please check yes or no.” I still did not want to get a dog, but my motherly heart was touched. He had been asking for so long and now asked so sweetly, how could I resist?

Zoey, a chocolate lab, entered our lives four years ago. She was the cutest puppy, the runt of the litter. Over the course of her first summer, we thought we were blessed. She would poop in the woods! That lasted until winter. Within her second year, we realized she had a very submissive temperament. She would, and still does, “army crawl” toward someone she does not know or another dog. Upon reaching the person or dog, she rolls over onto her back. She does not bark, whine, growl, or act aggressive. She does sing when the boys play their instruments, and begs to go to bed around 9:30. Interesting how dogs have a personality of their own.

 

Part of Zoey’s personality is her loyalty. She always wants to be with me. When I shower, she waits outside the door for me. When I walk with her, she looks up at me like she’s having a great time. When I am stretching after exercising, she’s right there. She even moves to the other side of my body when I stretch on that side. Her wagging tail and the way she looks at me in the morning, or when I get home, lets me know that she likes me. No matter how much she gets ignored, she keeps coming back like nothing has changed.

Before I paint an unrealistic picture, life with Zoey isn’t all Pollyanna-like. I still sweep and vacuum up dog hair. We still have to buy dog food, treats, toys, and bedding. When we want to go away, we have to find someone to watch her. (Although she has adopted another wonderful family with six kids who give her LOTS of attention!) I feel guilty when she hasn’t been walked in days. She often gets underfoot when I try to get something done. If she gets sick, we have to clean it up. Even with all this, life with her has been good.

We have relationships with our pets. Maybe not the same as the complicated relationships we have with our human counterparts, but a relationship nonetheless. We care for them, spend time with them, and enjoy their company. In return we get love and loyalty. These are my insights and observations of our relationships with our pets…from the one who didn’t want a dog.

Family Vacations

We recently returned from a family vacation to Ft. Myers Beach, FL for Spring Break. I love to go away with my family. It doesn’t matter if it’s a day trip, weekend trip, or an actual “get out of Michigan” vacation. Over the years I have realized how important vacations are for relationships.

Our vacation began by leaving late afternoon on a Thursday. The five of us left in our 168,000-mile, somewhat five-seater Santa Fe vehicle. Fortunately, our 55 pound chocolate lab was the fifth passenger, and she was getting dropped off four hours down the road. The traffic was light, the weather was clear, and we were making good time. After leaving the dog with some very good friends, we were on our way to warmer weather. My husband and I prefer to drive through the night when we drive to Florida. The traffic is lighter, and by the time we get tired, it is beginning to get light out and a new day is beginning. After 20 or so hours of driving, we arrived at a hotel to spend the night. Reaching this first leg of our trip at 1:00 in the afternoon was awesome as we sat by the pool in the warm sun, relaxing our crowded minds.

When we reach Florida the next day, we were definitely in vacation mode. While there, we spent time at the beach, time at the pool, and time with friends and family.  My husband was able to fish, I read, and the boys did what teenage boys do on vacation…have fun. No matter where we go on vacation, how we get there, or how long we stay, I always appreciate the time we get to spend together, away from the daily grind of life. Even cooking, doing dishes, or washing clothes on vacation seems easier than at home.

Our vacation this year was even more special to me due to the

relationships we sustained. We were able to see my husband’s brother, who actually lives in Montana. He happened to be working a couple of hours from where we were staying. We also

spent time with two of my husband’s uncles and a cousin, who he hasn’t seen in over 13 years. The time we spent with friends was just as enjoyable as the time we spent with family. Isn’t it ironic that we have to go on vacation to find time to spend with friends from home?

This may sound like the perfect vacation, but I don’t think we’ve ever had one. The trials we endure on vacation are just as important in building our relationships as the fun parts. Driving home to Michigan from Florida on I-75 after the Easter holiday week is like waiting in line for a ride at an amusement park. You don’t move very fast and you see the same people (cars in this case) over and over again. While my husband has little patience for this type of driving, even I was getting frustrated with how long it took us to just get out of Florida. We had planned on spending the night somewhere on the road, but we had lost so much time that we decided to push through and drive through the night. As difficult as this was, the fact that we were able to spend a stress-free day at home, before our busy schedules of school and work, was worth it.

We’ve had other vacations that were less than perfect. The Christmas my husband and I got engaged, we were driving from the Upper Peninsula in Michigan to the Detroit area. As we were crossing the Mackinac Bridge, the 1968 Ford truck we were driving started to make a humming noise. Within five miles after crossing the bridge, one of our back tires rolled past us into the median. We’ve had plenty of mishaps on our sailing vacations as well. There’s a running joke that we honor the water gods every year because we lose something overboard. Sometimes it’s a small thing like a tool or a towel, but there have been much bigger items like the grill grate or the dinghy. On every two week vacation we’ve attempted, we’ve realized that nine days is our family’s max. By day nine, my husband wants to sleep in his own bed, the boys miss their friends, and I want to get back to some normalcy in our lives. Even with all the trials, I look back at these times and am thankful that we continue to go on vacation.

We may not have had any vacations like the Grizwold’s (i.e., Chevy Chase’s family vacation movies), but even with the disagreements over where to eat, worrying about spending too much money, and situations beyond our control, I wouldn’t trade any of the time we’ve spent together as a family. Every time together is an opportunity to learn more about each other. It’s a chance to create memories that we can tell to our children or grandchildren. It’s the sense of pride in knowing that we endured some discomfort and survived…while having fun in the process (well, at some point we had fun). I’m looking forward to the next vacation, wherever it takes us.

Miles driven: 3,500

Eating at fast food restaurants: $200
Gas to drive 50 hours in a smallish car: $500
Watching my family while they sleep in the car: Priceless

The Start of a Relationship

I first started to think about blogging when our two boys were young. The idea would float around in my mind as I spent time playing with the kids in the yard, watching them learn new things, and yes, even disciplining them. I wanted to write a parenting blog to share my experiences and help others navigate the journey of raising kids. As the years passed though, I started moving away from the ‘raising kids’ idea and started thinking about life’s relationships.

While my children are one of the most important parts of my life, so are my husband, my parents, and my close relatives. They all help to make up who I am and are part of this adventure of life. Maybe I’m showing my age, but I started reflecting on the friends I’ve encountered over the years, those that are lifelong friends as well as those who impacted my life for a very short time. A younger me moved almost every year or two. (My mother once made the comment that she had to put my address in pencil in her address book.) With every move came new friends, new experiences and new relationships. As I recently changed jobs (my mini mid-life crisis), I started to reflect on my past jobs and the relationships I developed with my co-workers and bosses. Each of these relationships, and many others, affected my life and helped me to grow as a person. I believe that no matter how much life changes in music, fashion, technology, and careers, our relationships in general have not changed. We share similar relationships (spouses, kids, friends, co-workers, etc.). We enjoy them, struggle through them, and learn from them. While the situations my grandparents may have encountered were different than mine, they still had to relate to one another, their children, and their friends, very much the same as I do today. The more I contemplated relationships, the more I knew I wanted to write about them.

Two individuals played a part in encouraging me to start this blog, even if they don’t realize it. Rather than harping on our 13 year old son to quit filling his head with “useless sports statistics,” I started encouraging him to start a sports blog (http://www.astheclockrunsdown.blogspot.com). He’s a great writer, loves watching ESPN and reading Sports Illustrated, and can remember information like a computer. By encouraging him to start a blog, I realized we could experience this journey together, something I love doing with my kids. The other person who influenced me to start a blog was one of my oldest (not in age), dearest friends from elementary school who has started her own blog (http://hatofmanycolors.wordpress.com/2013/01/). In her first blog post, she mentions reading a tweet that writers should first write for themselves, then for others. I realized all along I had been trying to decide what to write to help others and not for me. While I am not a psychologist, nor claim to be an expert on relationships, I like to talk about them. I also thought it would be a legacy to leave for my children to refer to as they struggle with relational issues throughout their lives. Thus Relationally Yours began.