Relationships in Crisis

No, I’m not going to talk about financial management, marital strife, prodigal children, or physical, mental, or emotional abuse. Yes, all these relationship issues can escalate to a crisis and the pandemic has most likely exacerbated those that already existed. I’m taking this to a more personal relationship level. During this current crisis, connecting with my family and friends is not the same.  

I miss hugs!

It doesn’t matter if I’ve known you for a lifetime, just met you, or you are a stranger, I’m always in for a hug. I recently ran into a couple of friends at the grocery store and was so excited to see them. My first instinct was to hug them but then I remembered that I shouldn’t. Hugs are reassurance that we care for others, a thank you when someone does something special for you, and comfort when someone is struggling. I think we all could use more of that comfort right now.

Missing this!

I miss physically being with my people!

I miss going out to dinner, playing cards, going to the movies, and having get-togethers. Like many others today, I Google Meet, Zoom, or FaceTime a lot. Video calls are great for seeing people…if you can see them! The screens are just not big enough and I have to wear my reading glasses. What I need is a theater-style set-up where the technology works automatically. Honestly, I’d rather get together where the “screen” is real-life and reading glasses aren’t necessary.

I miss trips to visit friends and family!

Day trip, weekend getaway, or vacation time. Going to see family and friends is something I’ve done my whole life. One of my good friends moved away recently and if it had not been for the pandemic, I would have already traveled there to see her and her new place. We didn’t spend Thanksgiving with family and are trying to decide what to do about Christmas. These are two holidays we have always spent with family.

I know it is my choice to stay physically distant. I do so because I care about others. Not only that, but I’m afraid that once I start spending time with people I won’t want to stop. I (we) will get through this crisis. In the meantime, I’ll try to do a better job connecting through email, text, phone/video call, and more walks. Feel free to reach out to me as well!

To be fair to the pandemic, there has been an upside in some of my relationships during this crisis. My dog is loving the two daily walks and more petting, and my husband and I have spent more time doing new things together like cooking and walking. I hope those things remain once this is over.

Why Can’t I Sleep?

There are times when crawling into bed feels so good. The mornings when I wake up refreshed and ready to face the day. Those are good too. It sure would be nice if every night (or at least a majority of them) resulted in feeling completely rested.

Sleep really is a wonderful gift we’ve been given.

What I see many nights...

Our minds and bodies benefit from sleep. Sleep can reduce stress and depression, heal our bodies, and improve our memory. I know when I am tired, it is difficult to focus on reading, writing, and decision making. When our boys were growing up, we kept a consistent bedtime, as much as their busy sports schedules allowed. We usually avoided illness until there were too many short-sleep nights in a row. Even now when the boys are sick at college, I usually ask about how much sleep they are getting. It’s no surprise that it’s not enough to keep them healthy.

I don’t think I’ve ever pulled an all-nighter, but I have stayed up quite late to complete work. And there have been times when I’ve gotten up in the middle of the night because I couldn’t sleep. Sometimes I’d get up just to write something down and go back to bed, falling asleep quickly. Other times I spent an hour or two in the middle of the night reading or completing a task. I never really minded this.

But, for the last few years I’ve had restless, interrupted sleep on a more regular basis. It used to be that most nights I slept like a baby. Now there are fewer of those nights each week. If it’s not my body aching or sweating, it’s my mind hopping from one situation to another. Things I forgot to do, things I need to do, people I love who are hurting or struggling, a problem I need to solve. All these swirl around my mind for hours, not allowing me to fall back into a deep sleep.

Wondering ‘what affects sleep,’ I, of course, Googled it. I was aware of most of the culprits. Stress has affected my sleep a lot in the past. I don’t drink caffeine, snore (much), or have sleep apnea or narcolepsy or restless leg syndrome. Nightmares and night terrors are not an issue for me. Hormones, alcohol, and food may sometimes be offenders or maybe it’s time to change our mattress. I also found this song called Who Needs Sleep? by the Barenaked Ladies. Anyone who has had insomnia can relate to it.

Unfortunately, something else I found was that this type of sleep is normal as people age. The National Sleep Foundation says, “As people age they tend to have a harder time falling asleep and more trouble staying asleep than when they were younger.” “Great” sarcastically just popped into my head. Looks like I’ll keep spending more time sleeping lightly. But how I love my deep REM sleep!

At this point I am not concerned enough to seek medical attention about the number of times I wake up at night, but it’s “nice” to know I’m aging normally. I’ll keep monitoring what I do before bed to see if any causes result in less sleep. And tonight I’m praying for one of those elusive long, deep sleep nights.