The End of My 50 List

The end of 2018 closed out My 50 List. Twelve months of my life over. The 12 that I dedicated to doing things I put off for years. It wasn’t so much of a checklist (I didn’t complete all 50 items on the list) as it was an intentionality list. I intentionally made the effort to make as many of them happen as I could. For my family and friends who have been wondering how it all shook out, here’s a quick summary.

Travel

On boat to Lilac Festival

The list actually started because, for years, I said I wanted to visit or go to certain places like the Lilac Festival on Mackinac Island and hike on Isle Royale. Each trip had special significance because of the people I shared each of them with. I did all but hike Grand Island (Munising, MI). This coming summer, I hope my husband and I will be able to bike around the island.

Books/Movies

In addition to travel, reading and watching movies for pleasure were reasons I created the list. I read every book on the list, along with a couple of extras. I still have many work-related books on a list. Maybe I’ll get to them this year. ;-} In addition to reading, I watched more movies this year than I have since my senior year in high school. I love watching movies and would like to take more time to do so.

Food/Exercise

Cold run in April

I also love to eat, but this year I made a conscious effort to eat better. Overall, I think I was pretty successful, even if I didn’t lose any weight (not on the list – Ha!). I even tried a new food each month, most that I liked. [Pastrami, not a fan.] I enjoy exercising, but dealing with plantar fasciitis (or something going on with my foot/ankle) made it a little more difficult this year. I kept at it the best I could by finding alternative ways to exercise besides running and walking.

Successes

I completed 46 on the list (sort of…see Struggles). I started volunteering at the homeless shelter which I continue to do. Even with my foot issue, I was able to contribute 600 miles to my Run the Year group and completed 50k in running races. I had to do a cold 5k trail run at the beginning of December just to get those 50 in, but I finished!

Struggles

The weekly entries I tried to make for gratitude, positive things about me, and encouragement/inspire were hard to keep up. Sometimes it felt forced because I hadn’t done it by the end of the week or couldn’t remember if I did. I like to think I am grateful, give praise and encouragement, and think positively about myself, but regularly writing it down made me question that. Two of the four items on my list didn’t get completed. These were in relation to my heritage. While I did take an ancestry test, I didn’t learn more about my family history or Finnish and Italian words.

While I am still 50 years old until the end of June, the calendar year I turned 50 is over and with it My 50 List. I am not eager to create a 51 list, but hope to continue to do more of what I enjoy with family and friends. Thank you all for sharing in my list last year (or at least for putting up with me as I went through it).

❤ = love, sort of

Long before the heart emoji existed, many people, including me, drew hearts to express their love. I put hearts at the end of letters and in cards. I included hearts on notes to my parents and friends. I wrote hearts in my school notebooks next to names of boys I liked. While those hearts represented my love at the time, I knew very little of what love was.

Rarely do I hear the words ‘What is love?’ and not hear the song by Haddaway in my head or think about the Night at the Roxbury skit. Type in ‘love’ in Google and you will get 13.16 billion results. Songs, books, movies, news stories, psychological articles, nonprofits, sites that sell love/love-related items, and more. It’s quite a popular topic. Look at the definition of love and you’ll find it is a noun (e.g., a feeling, a person, or a score in tennis), yet it is shown through our actions (i.e., a verb).  

Love, of course, is more than a feeling. People fall in and out of the ‘love feeling’ all the time. When we love others, it doesn’t mean we’ll never get hurt or that we’ll never hurt others. We love our children, but they probably think we hurt them when they are disciplined. I’m guilty of hurting my husband, children, and friends by saying mean things to them. Having “tough love” by not fixing the mistakes our loved ones make is not easy to do either. It really is hard to love at times.

I want to love better. #37 on My 50 List is ‘Study love as described in the Bible.’ Throughout 2018, my studying consisted of morning devotions about love (some but not all). I also read the book Love Like That: 5 Relationship Secrets From Jesus by Les Parrott III. And I’ve read 1 Corinthians 13 in different translations. Yes, I could have studied more, and even though 2018 is over, I plan to continue to learn more about love.

According to The Message, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says [bolding is mine]

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

This message seems counter to what we learn in our world today… it’s okay to be impatient with the waitress or the car in front of you or the cashier at the grocery store; every commercial encourages you to be better than others; keep up with the Jones’ of social media; be angry with others whose opinions differ from yours.

Since I was a youth, I heard and read the above Corinthians verses. Reading the words isn’t the same as living them and it wasn’t until about six years ago that I started to really internalize them. I asked God for years to give me patience. Then I read somewhere that God doesn’t GIVE us patience, He helps us through situations so we LEARN patience. I realized that I “coveted” more than I thought (e.g., better hair, more money, less weight, etc.). When I’m tired or stressed, I lash out at others. And I would love to erase the mental list of wrongs done to me. When I truly study the love list, I have much room for improvement.

As a physical reminder about wanting to love better, I chose to get a tattoo (#10 on My 50 List). The tattoo I chose is an infinity symbol with a cross and a heart, located on my wrist so I see it every day. It’s a reminder to me that I want to love continually but I need help in doing so and I get that help through my faith. I’d like to love unconditionally. I’d like to always follow the love instructions in 1 Corinthians 13. Yet I know that I will sometimes (maybe often) fail. And that’s okay as long as I keep seeking help from God to learn a little more about loving others. Even though I know I won’t be able to love perfectly, it’s something I will strive toward beyond My 50 List (and beyond the ❤ emoji).

My Year of 50

Welcome, 2018! This is the year our youngest son becomes an adult, our oldest son is no longer a teenager, and I turn f-i-f-t-y. The Big 5-0. I remember when my dad turned 50. Big party, black balloons, and an over the hill cake. It used to seem so old. Half a century old. 

I don’t feel that way about 50 anymore. No anxiety or depression about that number here. I’m actually looking forward to turning 50 and will celebrate it throughout 2018 with a My Year of 50 list. The list began with things I’ve wanted to do for a long time like go to the Lilac Festival, read more, and get a tattoo. I added things I do but would like to do better such as eating more fruits and vegetables and exercising more often. Items I need to or should do this year like get a colonoscopy (ugh) were added, but to get to number 50, I used Google (found some great ideas too).

I’m sharing this list with family and friends for a couple of reasons. The first is that I hope others will join me in completing some of the items on the list. After all, life is more fun when shared with others. The second reason is accountability. If I kept it to myself it would be very easy to not follow through (like all the years I said I’d go to the Lilac Festival and did not). If you’re interested in participating in a number below, please message me. It’s going to be a great year!

My Year of 50

1. Attend hockey game at new arena with Elliott for his 18^th birthday
2. Complete a total of 50k in race/runs
3. Contribute at least 600 miles to my Run 2018 team
4. Eat fewer carbohydrates and less sugar
5. Eat more fruits and veggies
6. Exercise at least five days a week
7. Explore the Apostle Islands, Wisconsin
8. Get a colonoscopy
9. Get a facial
10. Get a tattoo
11. Get highlights
12. Get rid of outdated clothes
13. Go on a picnic
14. Go to a concert at a venue I’ve never been
15. Go to a movie in the middle of the day during the week
16. Go to the Lilac Festival on Mackinac Island
17. Grow a hanging tomato plant
18. Hike on Grand Island, Munising
19. Learn more about my family history
20. Learn some new Finnish and/or Italian words
21. Listen to new music
22. Make mint tea from the plants in our garden
23. Monthly coffee/drink date with a girlfriend
24. Pay for a stranger’s meal
25. Post once a week on Instagram/Facebook
26. Read a classic novel
27. Read Brown Girl Dreaming
28. Read Still Alice
29. Read the Girl in the Spider’s Web
30. Reconnect with an old friend
31. Renew my teaching certificate
32. Send/leave an inspirational note/compliment to someone each week
33. Spend an entire day watching movies/tv (at home)
34. Start a gratitude journal and place an entry every week
35. Stay in bed until 11 am, at least once
36. Stay on Isle Royale
37. Study love as described in the Bible
38. Take a new family photo
39. Take a yoga or Pilates class
40. Take an Ancestry DNA test
41. Try a new food every month
42. Try a new restaurant that is out of my comfort zone
43. Update the photos in the picture frames around the house
44. Volunteer at a soup kitchen (or similar place)
45. Watch a 25 cent movie at the State Theatre
46. Watch a movie at the TC Film Festival
47. Watch at least 10 sunsets
48. Watch Still Alice and compare to book
49. Write down one positive thing about myself each week
50. Write in my blog every month (This post counts for January!)

Long-Term Friends

A very good friend of mine recently blogged about our lengthy relationship, which is approaching 40 years. (Read about it here.) Paula was the first friend I made when my family moved from "town" to the "country" (not that there was much of a difference in the U.P. at the time). As she mentions, whenever I think, see or hear of cat's cradle, I think of her. She does a great job describing our friendship through the years, along with sharing some embarrassing and wonderful pictures of us.

Friends made in his lifetime so far

My friendship with Paula gives me hope for our boys. My husband's job has taken our family to a new town, a new school and new friends. As teenage boys who have grown up in one small town, this is going to be a difficult transition. Their attitudes have been awesome and they have summer jobs, but they miss their friends from "home." I've had many conversations with them about all the new friends they will make in the new town, when they go to college and in their careers. I've also told them that some of their current friends will be friends for life...like Paula.

Friends since high school

As stated in her blog, there is a difference between friends and acquaintances. Long-term friends are there through the many stages of life. A particular situation or life event may bring the friends together, but it's the staying together that defines friendship. As in any relationship, there may be disagreements, but there is also reconciliation, joy and a comfort in knowing that they love you no matter what. It isn't proximity that keeps people friends. It's not even having a lot in common. It's the connection people feel when both parties are interested in the other's lives and make a point to let them know.

While I haven't known all my friends as long as Paula, I treasure the many I have made over the years. The close relationships I built with people in high school, college or the many moves I made in my life are enduring to me. No matter where life takes me, I still have the experiences, memories and connections with these friends. I believe God put each individual person in my life at the right time for a specific purpose. If you are one of these friends, know that you are valuable to me.

I saw the following video earlier this year and thought of Paula and I (not sure which of us is Alice). I would feel blessed if we are still laughing and spending time together when we are 100 years old!

The Start of a Relationship

I first started to think about blogging when our two boys were young. The idea would float around in my mind as I spent time playing with the kids in the yard, watching them learn new things, and yes, even disciplining them. I wanted to write a parenting blog to share my experiences and help others navigate the journey of raising kids. As the years passed though, I started moving away from the ‘raising kids’ idea and started thinking about life’s relationships.

While my children are one of the most important parts of my life, so are my husband, my parents, and my close relatives. They all help to make up who I am and are part of this adventure of life. Maybe I’m showing my age, but I started reflecting on the friends I’ve encountered over the years, those that are lifelong friends as well as those who impacted my life for a very short time. A younger me moved almost every year or two. (My mother once made the comment that she had to put my address in pencil in her address book.) With every move came new friends, new experiences and new relationships. As I recently changed jobs (my mini mid-life crisis), I started to reflect on my past jobs and the relationships I developed with my co-workers and bosses. Each of these relationships, and many others, affected my life and helped me to grow as a person. I believe that no matter how much life changes in music, fashion, technology, and careers, our relationships in general have not changed. We share similar relationships (spouses, kids, friends, co-workers, etc.). We enjoy them, struggle through them, and learn from them. While the situations my grandparents may have encountered were different than mine, they still had to relate to one another, their children, and their friends, very much the same as I do today. The more I contemplated relationships, the more I knew I wanted to write about them.

Two individuals played a part in encouraging me to start this blog, even if they don’t realize it. Rather than harping on our 13 year old son to quit filling his head with “useless sports statistics,” I started encouraging him to start a sports blog (http://www.astheclockrunsdown.blogspot.com). He’s a great writer, loves watching ESPN and reading Sports Illustrated, and can remember information like a computer. By encouraging him to start a blog, I realized we could experience this journey together, something I love doing with my kids. The other person who influenced me to start a blog was one of my oldest (not in age), dearest friends from elementary school who has started her own blog (http://hatofmanycolors.wordpress.com/2013/01/). In her first blog post, she mentions reading a tweet that writers should first write for themselves, then for others. I realized all along I had been trying to decide what to write to help others and not for me. While I am not a psychologist, nor claim to be an expert on relationships, I like to talk about them. I also thought it would be a legacy to leave for my children to refer to as they struggle with relational issues throughout their lives. Thus Relationally Yours began.