Trying to Avoid a Wall-e World

One of my all-time favorite movies is Wall·e. Like most of my other favorites (e.g., Princess Bride and Up), they are made for children but have messages that adults understand. At first glance, Wall·e may seem quite boring. Watching it in the elementary school cafeteria with our boys many years ago, I thought so too. Its “no-speaking” beginning had me yawning. The wastefulness, gluttony, and laziness displayed can also be disheartening. But they sprinkled in a little robot romance and message about protecting the Earth (even though it’s not the main message) and ‘Poof!’ it became a movie I talk about often.

I really want to minimize my footprint on this earth, but I have to admit that like any relationship it takes effort. I have to intentionally make decisions that aren’t always easy and sometimes might be uncomfortable. For example, we drove to Florida for vacation. Yes, I brought my refillable water bottle. No, I did not always refill it and sometimes drank bottled water. Every time I saw a plastic straw, I cringed, but accepted them more than I’d like to admit. Even though we brought a few reusable bags, we received plastic bags when we bought groceries. (We did use them for our recycling and in place of trash bags.)

Being on vacation and not in my normal routine or environment has also made me realize, even more, the waste that we as a society accumulate...the plastic cups and straws at restaurants, the trash on the beach, and the many landfills along the highways. But I have also witnessed positive signs...people picking up trash on the beach (even when it was not theirs) and recycling bins in many locations (often overflowing but being used). These examples do give me hope that our Earth will not become a Wall·e environment, at least in my lifetime. So I will continue to do my part in taking care of my small part of this planet as well the parts of it that I don't call home.

Update on My 50 List

• Went to a Red Wings game at Little Caesars Arena, but without Elliott. While it was supposed to be his 18th birthday gift, he and his hockey team decided to play so well this year that they won a spot in the Division 1 State Semi-final game. He obviously was not concerned about going to the game with us.
  
• In February I tried a chimichanga. Not too far out of my comfort zone as I love Mexican food, but I had not tried one before. Bonus is that while doing so, I spent some girlfriend time with my friend, Micki. February was actually a great month for girl-time as I went to the movies with Kim, had lunch with Karen and Tami, spent a weekend in Harbor Springs, and did a snowshoe hike with the ladies from my neighborhood! In March, Amy, Libby, and I went to the high school play, Legally Blonde. It was awesome!
• I completed my last course and renewed my teaching certificate.
• I got a couple of weeks behind in recording in my gratitude journal, positive things about me document, and inspirational notes sent. Back on track this week. 
• I can officially say that I’ve been attending a yoga class regularly and I’m counting it as one of my five days a week for exercising. Other days include walking/running, swimming, and/or lifting. 
• My first 5k run/race toward the 50k has been completed.
• Blog post for March ✔ 

Redefining Mom Time

I empathize with Fred every time I think about the Dunkin Donuts “Time to Make the Donuts” commercial from the early 1980s. Every day Fred the Baker got up early and came home after dark to do his job, making donuts. He became more exhausted as the days went on and eventually ran into himself at the door as he was leaving/coming. I’m sure many people relate to this commercial from a work perspective, but I empathize with Fred from the mom perspective.

Photo credit: quotesgram.com/exhausted-mom-quotes/

Once upon a time I felt like Fred the Baker. Rise early to shower and get ready before waking the kids. Make breakfast and lunches. Be sure they had everything for the school day. Go to work. Pick kids up and make dinner. Drive to some sort of sports practice. Get the boys ready for bed. Grade papers or prepare lessons. On 'no practice' days, I had time to grocery shop, do laundry, clean the house, work on the budget, take care of the unending list of things a mother is responsible to do, or maybe plan a vacation. Then do it again the next day and the next day and the next day… My poor husband. During that time, he may have gotten meals and vacations, but very little one-on-one time with me.

Don’t get me wrong. I LOVED spending time with the boys, and still do, but I rarely had much Mom Time. Sure, I could squeeze in a workout...if I got up earlier or ran instead of eating dinner with the family. I tried, unsuccessfully, to play cards every other week with my friends. When I decided to read a book, I’d stay up way too late, multiple nights in a row, because I couldn’t stop reading (apologies again to my husband). But that was my Mom Time...a little time to spend doing what I wanted to do.

As the boys got older, they started making their lunch, doing their laundry, and eventually driving themselves to practice. Now there are days when I see them for five minutes before I head to bed. I’m starting to miss them. In their teen-aged years, my definition of Mom Time has changed. It is no longer time for me, but time for us.  And I’ll take any chance I can get to spend some time with them.

Birthday Bonus

In the last couple of weeks I’ve been fortunate to have some newfound Mom Time. Our youngest invited me to see the movie Finding Dory. As a bonus, our oldest son and his girlfriend came along. Both boys unexpectedly had my birthday off from work so we spent the afternoon together as a family, and I didn’t even have to use a Forced Family Fun Day to make it happen. Our oldest spent the Fourth of July sailing with us, and I actually enjoyed driving one and a half hours to the orthodontist just so I could spend alone time with our youngest son.

My relationships with the boys have definitely changed over time and I’m sure as they enter college, get married, and start families those relationships will continue to evolve. I’m not sure that my Mom Time definition will change again, but I do know that my time with each of the boys will become less as they continue their journey through life. For now, I’m going to savor all the Mom Time I can get.

Are Microplastics in Your Face Cleanser?

Have you ever thought about your relationship with the environment? Most of the time, we think of relationships as something between people. But how we treat the environment affects us. Isn’t that similar to relationships with people? I’ve been a long-time recycler of cardboard, plastic, glass and paper, but today I made the commitment to add microplastics to my list of environmental concerns.

As I was squeezing the last drop of Noxzema Ultimate Clear Anti-Blemish Daily Scrub from its tube this morning, I thought of the resolution adopted by the Traverse City commissioners urging residents to avoid using personal care products containing microbeads. I also wondered…how do I know if my face soap contains microbeads, so I did a little research.

From my husband, who works at Inland Seas Education Association (schoolship.org), I already knew that microplastics is becoming an environmental issue for the Great Lakes. Since these tiny plastic beads do not biodegrade, they are there forever. As they float on the surface of the water, they collect “stuff” and fish mistake them for food. Fish eat them, and since we eat fish, we are eating plastic. Sounds yummy. There are current studies being conducted on the impact of microplastics on the food chain, but I’m not waiting for their results to change my purchasing habits.

Microplastics can be found in exfoliating face washes, body washes, body scrubs, hand sanitizers and toothpaste. The ingredient listed is usually polyethylene, but could also be polypropylene, polyethylene terephthalate, polymethyl methacrylate or nylon. I’m not a scientist, but I can read labels. (By the way, my face scrub is microbead free. It’s made by Unilever who has promised “to phase out plastic scrub beads from personal care products…by 2015” according to beatthemicrobead.org. It contains Jojoba Esters instead of plastic.)

http://waterandmoreblog.com/2013/04/13/
uncovering-great-lakes-garbage-patch/

So what am I going to do to protect the environment from microplastics. First of all, I’m telling anyone who reads this about the issue so that they can be aware and share it with others. Next, I’m going to read the label of products before I buy them and not purchase products that contain microbeads. Other people are contacting manufacturers or pushing for legislation to stop the production of products using microplastics. Protecting our resources is important for our future generations and the relationship they will have with the environment. Think of the movie Wall-E where the earth becomes inhospitable due, in part, to environmental problems. I don’t want that, do you?

My Relationship Gardens

I've been looking at my flower beds. And I use flower very loosely, as they are made up mostly of hostas and day lillies. (Obviously, I do not have green thumbs.) If you've ever owned either of these plants, you know that the positive sides of them are they come back every year and they have a pretty flower, which is around only briefly. The downside of these plants is that they spread. Eventually they overtake an entire area, even outside the designated section, and need to be thinned out which is sometimes hard to do. As I dreaded having to thin them out this year, I reminded myself it's my own fault for planting them in the first place.

One of my pitiful flower beds

Gardening reminds me of my relationships. They are hard work, I reap what I sow and external factors impact my good intentions. Just as in gardening, relationships take time...time to prepare the soil (knowing myself and what I bring to a relationship), time to plant seeds (spending time with others and getting to know them), time to weed (getting rid of unnecessary baggage and things that clutter the relationship) and time to enjoy the harvest (taking pleasure in the companionship of others). Time is a big factor in what makes them grow.

What I put into my relationships I get back. I see it with my husband, my kids and my friends. If I don't see it in the short-term, I know I'll see the consequences in the long-term. The song Cat's in the Cradle by Harry Chapin is a reminder of this. I'll admit there are times when my words or actions do not reflect what I want to get back in a relationship. Many times I have been impatient with the boys, sometimes for no reason. I've had to learn to control my tongue. I also know that when I'm actually "there," in a mental and emotional sense not just physical, that my relationships are much richer and deeper. Giving my undivided attention in conversations and being available when others want me are what I want to sow because it is also what I want to reap.

My most important relationship gardens

What I sow, others also reap. This is one lesson I want to be sure my boys learn. While the garden of marriage may end in divorce, it's the children and extended family members who reap what the couple sowed. Work relationships gone awry can also have an unintended consequence on families. Someone who abuses their work/client relationships by embezzling funds belonging to others impact the families, not just the individuals, affected by the action. If the embezzler goes to prison, their own family has to reap what they sowed.

There are times when gardening is difficult. The sun doesn't shine enough, rain is scarce, the bugs or animals eat what I am trying to grow or schedules make it difficult to be attentive to the plants. How similar this is to my relationships! Other people influence those I care about, society's messages tell me to put myself first instead of others, there's never enough time to invest in all my relationships and hurts happen. The desire to see my garden or relationship flourish helps me to get through those difficult times.

Just as I admire beautiful gardens, I hope people will admire my relationships. I hope they see me trying to sow seeds of love, patience, kindness and unselfishness, and see me spending the time to help them grow. I'd be blessed if my relationship gardens can be a guiding example for others.

Loyalty

Our dog, Zoey, has a routine every morning. Her routine has become my routine as I am the first one up in the morning. She eagerly wags her tail and looks at me from her room (the mudroom), waiting to get some attention. When I go in there, she lays on her back for me to pet her belly. I’ll give her a few half-hearted pets and let her out, reminding her at least twice to go “potty.” She comes back in and eats, then jumps excitedly around until she finally lies down again for some more belly time. After I’ve had enough of it (I’d like to think it was five minutes, but it’s more like one or two), I send her back outside again. In five minutes or so, she is waiting at the slider glass door for someone to notice her and let her back in.

When our 14 year old was five, he started asking for a dog. He drew pictures and told his kindergarten teacher all the fun things he was going to do with his dog, like jumping over our creek in the front yard and playing fetch. For five years he kept asking for a dog. I, of course, had every excuse in the book not to get a dog. We were too busy with sports. I didn’t want to clean up dog hair. Who was going to pick up the poop in the yard? It’s expensive to have a dog. I saw it as one more responsibility on me that I did not want to take on at that time…or ever.

 

One day I walked into the house and there was a note on the counter…To Mom. When I asked what it was, I was instructed by our son to just read it. It read, “Mom, you know I have wanted a dog as long as I knew what one was. If you let me get a dog, I promise to take care of it. I will help clean up the dog hair and poop. I will even help pay for food when I can.” There were some other guilt-rendering comments, and it ended with, “Please check yes or no.” I still did not want to get a dog, but my motherly heart was touched. He had been asking for so long and now asked so sweetly, how could I resist?

Zoey, a chocolate lab, entered our lives four years ago. She was the cutest puppy, the runt of the litter. Over the course of her first summer, we thought we were blessed. She would poop in the woods! That lasted until winter. Within her second year, we realized she had a very submissive temperament. She would, and still does, “army crawl” toward someone she does not know or another dog. Upon reaching the person or dog, she rolls over onto her back. She does not bark, whine, growl, or act aggressive. She does sing when the boys play their instruments, and begs to go to bed around 9:30. Interesting how dogs have a personality of their own.

 

Part of Zoey’s personality is her loyalty. She always wants to be with me. When I shower, she waits outside the door for me. When I walk with her, she looks up at me like she’s having a great time. When I am stretching after exercising, she’s right there. She even moves to the other side of my body when I stretch on that side. Her wagging tail and the way she looks at me in the morning, or when I get home, lets me know that she likes me. No matter how much she gets ignored, she keeps coming back like nothing has changed.

Before I paint an unrealistic picture, life with Zoey isn’t all Pollyanna-like. I still sweep and vacuum up dog hair. We still have to buy dog food, treats, toys, and bedding. When we want to go away, we have to find someone to watch her. (Although she has adopted another wonderful family with six kids who give her LOTS of attention!) I feel guilty when she hasn’t been walked in days. She often gets underfoot when I try to get something done. If she gets sick, we have to clean it up. Even with all this, life with her has been good.

We have relationships with our pets. Maybe not the same as the complicated relationships we have with our human counterparts, but a relationship nonetheless. We care for them, spend time with them, and enjoy their company. In return we get love and loyalty. These are my insights and observations of our relationships with our pets…from the one who didn’t want a dog.