Driver's Education

Our eldest son, Kyle, started driver’s training last week, even though he’s 14.* While it's hard to believe this phase of his life is upon us, I'm glad it's finally here. Not just for the convenience this will offer us (in 13 more months), but being able to say "yes" when he asks to drive (next month) will be great. Over the last year or so, we've often heard..."Can I drive?" "I'll drive!" "When can I drive?" Each time my response has been..."Not yet." "Soon." "I wish." "If you could, I'd let you."

As I reflect on his path to this point, I see how he has been practicing for this event. It all  started with his red Radio Flyer tricycle. Even before he could pedal the tricycle, he wanted to ride it. We'd push him around the cement slab or parking lot, wherever we happened to be. He eventually learned to pedal it himself, but got frustrated with his lack of speed. When the tricycle wasn't exciting enough, he moved onto a battery-powered four wheeler with slick plastic wheels. This was the first time I worried about his driving skills...too fast. Next was his bicycle, with training wheels, of course. He would race around on that bike in the driveway, teetering back and forth between wheels. It wasn't long before he raced around on his bike everywhere we went, on two wheels. After his bike, came the neighbor's 50cc motorcycle that he almost drove into a tree. Then grandpa bought a golf cart for great-grandpa to get around the property. Kyle first got to drive it under adult supervision, but was soon driving it alone, or with passengers. He loves to drive the golf cart, fast and backward.

I have seen growth and confidence in Kyle's "driving" abilities over the years. Learning the biking rules of the road has helped him understand stopping at intersections, staying on his side of the road, and watching out for others. He learned to use one foot to control the pedals on the golf cart rather than two. As for confidence, it didn't matter if it was skills in school, sports, music, or hobbies, the more confident he had in his abilities, the better he became. I hope that continues as he practices driving. While I love seeing him confident, I don't necessarily like watching him drive the golf cart (or the car) around backward.

In each phase of Kyle's growth, I also learned to trust him a little more. Trust that he had enough balance to not fall on his bike. Trust that he would stop at the next intersection when he would ride ahead of me. Trust that he wouldn't go too fast and watch where he was going on the golf cart. Now as he ventures into driving a car, I have to learn to trust his judgment, trust his skills, and trust he uses the car wisely. While I'm sure I will worry about him, especially when he gets his license and drives alone, I know this is an important step in his journey to adulthood. I look forward to participating in this exciting part of his life, building memories that I hope he will remember when he goes through the same experience with his kids.

 
*Driver’s education has changed in Michigan since I took it. Students can now start driver’s training when they are 14 years and 8 months. They go through Segment 1, which is 24 hours of classroom time, six hours behind the wheel, and four hours of observation while another student is behind the wheel. Once they have their Level 1 license for at least three months and acquired 30 hours of driving experience, with some night hours in there, they can take Segment 2. After six hours of classroom instruction in Segment 2, they can receive their driver’s license at 16 years old.

Summer Relationship with the Kids

As summer approaches, I get that excited feeling of a new schedule and a little more freedom. For ten years, I was able to spend extra time in the summer with our boys. We would spend hours at the beach, riding bikes, and going to playgrounds/parks. We spent more time sleeping in (at least they did), being outside, and just being together.

Over the years my time spent with the boys during the summers has been enjoyable and fulfilling, finding a good mix of what they wanted to do and what I wanted to do. For many years, the main activity the boys wanted to do was go to a skate park. While we’ve been to quite a few different

Skatepark in Years Past

skate parks, they have their favorite where I have spent countless hours planning for the next school year, reading a book I told myself I would get to during the summer, or visiting with friends and family that I could cajole into coming along. (I do have a good friend whose son wanted to spend as much time at the skate park as my kids.) The memories I have of watching them grow and improve in their skateboarding/biking/rollerblading skills, seeing their interpersonal skills increase, and discussing various topics to and from the skate parks has been worth every minute, even the ones where I complained about going or being there.
My favorite thing to do in the summer, or any time, is to travel. It doesn’t really matter where we go; it’s just the enjoyment of spending time together, getting out of the regular routine, and creating memories that make travelling appealing to me. Whether alone or with friends, I have subjected the boys to numerous trips to Grandma and Grandpa’s, camping, waterfall viewing, historical sites, a mine tour, and our yearly visit to Castle Rock. They have spent countless hours in the car, listening to my music, reading their books, playing video games, and watching movies. Even when plans didn’t go as expected, like when we experienced mosquitos so thick we had to stay in the tent, I loved being with the kids.

One of my fondest memories of spending time with the boys was the summer reading program we did each year. For many years there was a theme, such as a bookshelf, a refrigerator, and a tree. After the boys read a book, they would add it to the bookshelf, choose an item to go in the refrigerator with the book name on it, or add the book name to an apple for the tree. We set reading goals, starting with something simple and inexpensive, like read 25 books (when the books took them a short time to read) for ice cream, up to 100 books to go to Michigan’s Adventure. As they got older and read chapter books, we used a certain number of chapters instead of books. A few years ago we read the Hunger Games trilogy as a family, sharing the same book. That was interesting!

Now that the boys have gotten older, they don’t want/need to spend as much time with me, so I have to look for other ways to continue to build our summer relationship. They are old enough to have lawn mowing jobs, but not old enough to drive there themselves. By taking them to their lawn mowing jobs, I still get the opportunity to talk with them about various topics. I am helping them track their time, invoice it, and manage the money they make, all skills that will benefit them in their future. Whether I am driving them to a friend’s house, providing food to their friends here, or supporting them at an athletic event or other extra-curricular, I am showing them how important they are to me.

In a child’s life, summer is a very precious time. In a parent’s life, the summers (and years) go by all too fast. I want to take advantage of every minute I can to develop my relationships with the boys, before they are on their own. I know that our relationship will change then, and I want to have a strong foundation for what is to come. After my relationships with God and my husband, my boys are the most important relationships I want to keep until I no longer breathe. In order to do that, I have to continually work at them, finding ways to connect, keeping communication open, and being there when they need me. The best part about it is that I don't mind working at it...especially in the summer.