Time For A Lazy Saturday Morning

This lazy Saturday morning I decided to have my breakfast outside on the deck. There are a couple of things about that statement that surprise me. First of all, most Saturday mornings are not lazy. I’m either running errands, doing chores, out of town, or spending time with guests in our home. Secondly, I ALWAYS eat my breakfast at the kitchen table in the same seat at around the same time. Creature of habit I guess. 

Today was finally warm enough for me to consider eating outside in the a.m. without bugs, clouds, gusty wind, and a laundry list of things to do on my mind. Looked like a very peaceful and sunny day with a nice breeze so I took my bagel, strawberries, and tea out the slider to sit and read, listen, pray, and watch. And to see if having “coffee on the deck/patio/porch” is really as great as people write about. 

The first thing I noticed was the beauty around me. The freshly cut grass (thanks, E). The flowers blooming in the flower beds I often curse when weeding. The trees full of leaves. The sun shining through the hazy clouds. Birds flying all over my viewing space. Neighbors enjoying the morning as they take their kids out for the day or going for a motorcycle ride.

Then the sounds. So many birds! I’m not very knowledgeable about birds, but I do recognize the sound of a woodpecker behind me. Other sounds I hear are chirping, whooing, whistling, cawing, and others that I cannot find a word for. I heard a bird calling to others who I then watched fly to the tree he (or she) was in. On a side note, from my home office window this spring I have noticed many different types and colors of birds. Does this new found awareness of birds mean I’m old or that I finally took the time (or have the time) to stop, see, and listen?

I also hear a lawn mower in the distance (someone who is not having a lazy Saturday morning), a plane flying overhead, someone’s air conditioner, and neighbors leaving for work. All those sounds that go along with living in a neighborhood and our modern society. These I have always been attuned to. 

The coffee people are right. It’s been pretty relaxing to sit on the deck with my cup of tea, eating my breakfast and taking in the world around me. (And writing this blog.) I’m not the type of person who is going to do this every Saturday (those who know me well are surprised I did it today), but I will definitely take advantage of it again when I can. I hope you do too.

It’s been so enjoyable I could almost talk myself out of going for a run. But I did that last weekend (for a different reason than sitting on my deck) so I better get to it. 

Peace at Home

About this time every summer life gets overly busy. I over-fill our evenings and weekends with very little time to relax at home. Maybe subconsciously I think summer is almost over and try to cram in as much as possible. Honestly though, I think it’s just me. I like being busy. Whether it is exercising, hanging out with family and friends, or just going somewhere, count me in! (With all this fun, where do I find time to do house chores?)  😉

I used to blame the busyness on the kids and their schedules. But the boys have cars so I can’t blame it on driving them around. They also have summer jobs where they work just as much as me. Their free time is spent with friends (and they don’t usually invite me). And to top it off, this summer our oldest stayed at college. There’s no one to blame for the schedule but myself. “What’s so bad about being busy anyway?” says our 18-year old who does the same thing as me.

I love weeks like this.

The problem with not controlling my schedule is I can get cranky, ignore my family, and become short-tempered. I don’t eat as well, exercise as hard, or think as clearly as when I “schedule” rest. Another problem is it leads to a frustrated husband because I over-scheduled myself, or us, again. When my/our schedule is overbooked, there is a shortage of peace in our home.

In June, I read a daily devotion titled “Love Lives Here.” It was about being intentional about creating peace in your own home. The author shared three ways (bolded below) to create that peace.

• Speak words that build peace. My mouth is probably the biggest culprit when it comes to a peace-less home environment. Yes, I tell my family that I love them or am proud of them or even that I forgive them. And I mean it when I say it. Yet I have to continually work to keep from nagging them, snapping at them, or saying hurtful things to them especially when I overschedule our lives.
• Create a home that promotes peace. If this was the only item the author suggested, we should have plenty of peace in our home. We eat healthy meals together and often invite others to join us. I control the clutter (at least when I “let go” of the boys’ bedrooms) and I stick to our budget. Helping each other with projects and tasks, taking family vacations, and communicating shows that we care about one another. We’ve even developed systems that keep chaos at bay like the last one to empty the Kool-Aid pitcher makes more. When the boys were little I instituted a system for breakfast or dinner so planning would be easier (e.g., Personal Pizza Sunday, Toast or Taco Tuesday, Waffle Wednesday, Find-your-own-food Friday, etc.). Tending a garden was also suggested to promote peace, but I find little peace in my flower beds.
• Be a woman who promotes peace. To promote peace in our home, my response to those I love needs to be peaceful, especially in times when I feel taken for granted, left out, or hurt in some way. My initial knee-jerk reaction is to use my words to tell them how I feel (see first bullet). When I take the time to clench my mouth shut and think through the issue, my actual response is much more loving and peaceful.

The peace-meter in our home may have reached the yellow zone last week. I saw the warning signs and realized I need to make intentional decisions to say no to additional commitments or at minimum, check my words and actions. I like a peaceful home (Who wouldn’t?!) and when I feel peace here, it’s easier to bring that peace to those outside my home.

Note to our family and friends: I don’t want this message to be misconstrued. We love to get together with you. The scheduling issue is more of an attitude check for me. Keep asking us to do things with you!

Making Moments with Forced Family Fun Days

As this summer quickly winds down and another school year approaches, I again realize how much I need to focus on being in (and just enjoying) the moment. Our oldest will begin his senior year of high school this fall. I know how cliche it is to say, "Where has the time gone?" But seriously, where has the time gone! I still have pictures in my mind of his big blue eyes, baby-toothed smile, and cute high-pitched voice asking me question after question as he explored all things new in his world.

 Now he is a man. He still has those big blue eyes and beautiful smile (thanks, Dr. Reed), but with a voice much deeper that shares with me how much he's learned in his life. He has grown into a tall, lean and muscular body much like his dad's. He holds down multiple jobs, maintains his car, does his laundry (when he runs out of underwear), prepares his own food (anything quick), and has continued a serious long-distance relationship. These are all things he will be doing as an adult on his own.

I've spent a lot of moments with the boys over their lifetime...at the park, beach, skatepark, movies, countless hours of car time, learning to have a 'mom-clean' bedroom, cooking... I see that time getting shorter and shorter as they get older and develop busier lives of their own with jobs, friends, and interests that don't involve me. So to be sure we all carve out time to make more moments, I

enacted Forced Family Fun weekends this summer. In June we spent a day biking and hiking at Sleeping Bear Dunes, a day sailing on Suttons Bay, and a day boating on Lake Leelanau. July brought a quick trip to the UP where we jumped off Black Rock Cove, shopped at Da Yoopers Tourist Trap (viewed differently now that they are older), and visited family and friends. This weekend we will be traveling to Kalamazoo to spend time with my in-laws as we celebrate my father-in-laws' retirement. I feel blessed to have these two to three days at a time where all four of us are making memories together, something I know is, and will continue to be, in limited supply.

This realization and reflection is bittersweet to me. I keep tearing up as I sit in the waiting area of the car dealership writing this (the other customers are wondering what is wrong with me) knowing that our complete family time is limited. But I also swell with pride knowing that the boys are going to do fine on their own when they leave the nest. I addition to that, I look forward to spending time with my husband, enjoying what we used to do before kids (adjusted for the 'physical' cost of living). As I remind him, preparing the boys for their futures is the task we were assigned to do. And until that future becomes the present, I'm going to live in as many moments I can "force" on them.

How Do You Prioritize Friendship?

We all must prioritize relationships in our lives, and at different times in our lives, we prioritize different relationships. As a teenager, my relationship priority was my friends, not my family. At the time I realized I loved the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with, my priority changed from friends to him, to the point that I spent a summer in Alaska with him instead of being in my friends’ weddings. (Thank goodness those friends understood and are still a part of my life.) When our kids were born, my relationship with the babes became a higher priority than spending time with others, sometimes even my husband (…remembering the exhaustion).

Prioritizing does not mean that ALL your time has to be on a particular relationship. In fact, that would be quite unhealthy. I can prioritize my husband and children and still find time to spend a weekend with friends or regularly walk the dog, since we have a relationship too (although she’s much better at the relationship than I am). I can even spend time with my family and friends at the same time.

A couple of days ago, I prioritized visiting a friend I had not seen in over 15 years, and I’m so glad that I did! Bill returns from California every summer to visit his parents, yet I’ve failed to get there to see him.  Sure, we are connected through Facebook, but getting a hug and talking do not even compare to my computer screen. This summer, I traveled the five short hours to the house on the lake for a visit. Not only were we able to reminisce about the past and catch up on the past 15 years, I was able to meet his children and fiancé, reconnect with his parents, and visit with his siblings. What made it even more special to me is that my family could be there too, a feat in itself with two working teenagers. I’m so thankful that they prioritized this time to spend with me.

As an added bonus, my long-time friend, Paula, was able to stop out to visit as well. Even though it has not been too long since we have been together (we ran a 5K in May), it’s always encouraging to see her. While her recent blog post (Hat of Many Colors - Friends and Motivators) mentions that I inspired her to start running again, she also inspires me to keep going with this blog (even if Bill was the instigator this time around).

I have moved around quite a bit in my adulthood and have left many friends. I have had close friends move away from me. But friendships are for a lifetime, if we only make the effort. With lifetime friends, it’s easy to pick up right where you left off. This is one lesson I see my children already learning. After moving away from the only home they had known for their 13+ years, our boys have made some wonderful new friends. They still keep in contact with their many of their old ones as well. Technology has played a large role in this, but they also make an effort to see those friends face-to-face whenever possible. As their lives get more complicated with college, careers, and families of their own, I hope they will successfully continue to prioritize and re-prioritize their relationships in life.

So to my boys (who I hope will be reading this in the future, but who are also “proofing” this post for me today)…Which relationships are you prioritizing today? Is this a season in your life where your friends are a priority? Maybe you are in a time period of your life where you should be prioritizing your spouse or your children (this time is shorter than you think).  Maybe you finally stumbled upon this blog in your empty-nester years and you realize that your relationship priority needs to be your parents. Don’t worry, I’ll forgive you for all those years when you had other priorities.

Summer Relationship with the Kids

As summer approaches, I get that excited feeling of a new schedule and a little more freedom. For ten years, I was able to spend extra time in the summer with our boys. We would spend hours at the beach, riding bikes, and going to playgrounds/parks. We spent more time sleeping in (at least they did), being outside, and just being together.

Over the years my time spent with the boys during the summers has been enjoyable and fulfilling, finding a good mix of what they wanted to do and what I wanted to do. For many years, the main activity the boys wanted to do was go to a skate park. While we’ve been to quite a few different

Skatepark in Years Past

skate parks, they have their favorite where I have spent countless hours planning for the next school year, reading a book I told myself I would get to during the summer, or visiting with friends and family that I could cajole into coming along. (I do have a good friend whose son wanted to spend as much time at the skate park as my kids.) The memories I have of watching them grow and improve in their skateboarding/biking/rollerblading skills, seeing their interpersonal skills increase, and discussing various topics to and from the skate parks has been worth every minute, even the ones where I complained about going or being there.
My favorite thing to do in the summer, or any time, is to travel. It doesn’t really matter where we go; it’s just the enjoyment of spending time together, getting out of the regular routine, and creating memories that make travelling appealing to me. Whether alone or with friends, I have subjected the boys to numerous trips to Grandma and Grandpa’s, camping, waterfall viewing, historical sites, a mine tour, and our yearly visit to Castle Rock. They have spent countless hours in the car, listening to my music, reading their books, playing video games, and watching movies. Even when plans didn’t go as expected, like when we experienced mosquitos so thick we had to stay in the tent, I loved being with the kids.

One of my fondest memories of spending time with the boys was the summer reading program we did each year. For many years there was a theme, such as a bookshelf, a refrigerator, and a tree. After the boys read a book, they would add it to the bookshelf, choose an item to go in the refrigerator with the book name on it, or add the book name to an apple for the tree. We set reading goals, starting with something simple and inexpensive, like read 25 books (when the books took them a short time to read) for ice cream, up to 100 books to go to Michigan’s Adventure. As they got older and read chapter books, we used a certain number of chapters instead of books. A few years ago we read the Hunger Games trilogy as a family, sharing the same book. That was interesting!

Now that the boys have gotten older, they don’t want/need to spend as much time with me, so I have to look for other ways to continue to build our summer relationship. They are old enough to have lawn mowing jobs, but not old enough to drive there themselves. By taking them to their lawn mowing jobs, I still get the opportunity to talk with them about various topics. I am helping them track their time, invoice it, and manage the money they make, all skills that will benefit them in their future. Whether I am driving them to a friend’s house, providing food to their friends here, or supporting them at an athletic event or other extra-curricular, I am showing them how important they are to me.

In a child’s life, summer is a very precious time. In a parent’s life, the summers (and years) go by all too fast. I want to take advantage of every minute I can to develop my relationships with the boys, before they are on their own. I know that our relationship will change then, and I want to have a strong foundation for what is to come. After my relationships with God and my husband, my boys are the most important relationships I want to keep until I no longer breathe. In order to do that, I have to continually work at them, finding ways to connect, keeping communication open, and being there when they need me. The best part about it is that I don't mind working at it...especially in the summer.