Who Do You Know?

It may have been on my work reading list for a year, but I finally finished Who You Know by Julia Freeland Fisher. While the book’s focus is on the social capital of students and how schools can help them develop their networks, I could relate many of the concepts to my own life. In addition to the book, volunteering at the local homeless shelter has opened my eyes to the fact that there are people who haven’t been as fortunate in developing their networks and relationships. I feel blessed to know the people I do.

Below are a few concepts from the book that resonated with me. 

My strong ties

• Strong and Weak Ties: There are people who I am close to and share much of my life with…my husband, children, dad, close family and friends. These strong ties are the people who I confide in, who support me when I need it, and just plain put up with me on a regular basis. I also have a network of weak ties…extended family, friends from high school and college, past colleagues and students, and those who have impacted a portion of my life. These ties are not weak in a sense that they are less important, but the role they play in my life is different than the strong ties. (See Value of Networks below.)
• Inherited Networks: I was born into a specific social infrastructure. For much of my youth, who I knew was determined by my parents. My parents valued family so I knew my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and even extended family. We also had a network of church friends. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized that not everyone was as fortunate to have these types of inherited networks. As an adult, I added to my network from my college experiences, work experiences, and life interests.
• Value of Networks: The books shares how our networks help provide information, influence, social credibility, and identity for us. If it was not for the weak tie of a past boss who provided information (i.e., shared the opportunity) and influence (i.e., gave a recommendation), who also had social credibility with this person, I would not be doing the work I am doing today. I’ve received consulting work from the recommendation of some of my weak ties. While my strong ties are important for my personal life, it is often my weak ties that have helped me in my career.
• Technology: I resisted Facebook until 2009 when my brother refused to email me pictures of my nephew because that’s where he shared them. My LinkedIn account became active when I decided to look for a new job seven years ago. I know many people who have met their mate on a dating site. Texting, conference calls, and webinars are part of my daily routine. Technology has allowed me to connect and stay connected much easier than in the past. It has also made my work much more efficient. While I love these tools, I still have a strong desire to spend time with people conversing face-to-face.

Since finishing the book, I’ve reflected on my networks over the years. If not for an insistent business teacher in high school, I would not have started on a path that has led to so many opportunities for me in ways that I did not expect. Had I not worked my way through college, I would not have had the chance to learn so much from the individuals who took me under their wings. While I could make the argument that who I knew did not introduce me to my husband, in a round-about way it did…(If I didn’t have a college professor who found a summer internship for me where I met a good friend who convinced me to look for a local job, I wouldn’t have met my husband at said job.) 🙂

My favorite research from the book was a study done over more than half a century. People from Harvard grads to inner city individuals were interviewed. The study found that people who were most satisfied with their relationships at 50 years old were the healthiest at 80 years old. This may be interesting to me because I am 50 years old and love my relationships…all of them…strong and weak, short- and long-term. Each has helped define who I am, and I’ve learned so much from them. It may also be interesting to me because I hope to live to be at least 80. 😉

As our boys begin their adulthood, I hope that they work on strengthening their strong ties and continue to build their weak ones. Their networks, beyond what they inherited from us, are further along than either my husband or I were at their ages. Being involved in Young Life and the fraternity has introduced them to many people that can help them in their careers and in life. I’m proud of them for seeking out these networks and hope they know that their strongest tie (i.e., mom/me) will always be here when they need it.

My Love/Hate Relationship with Technology

I'm sitting at the car dealership having my car looked at...again. After totaling my car this winter, we purchased a higher end (to us) vehicle from an individual. Lots of bells and whistles = lots that can go wrong. If it's not a problem with the mechanical parts of the car, it's the bells and whistles or computer sensors that go. Right now I'm trying to assess if I love the car more than I hate it.

This is just one example in my life where I love technology yet hate it. I love it when it works, but hate it when it doesn't. From cars to television to computers to phones, advancement in technology has been wonderful. Even when I had a "standard" car with no bells and whistles, when it didn't run, I would get frustrated. After all, I depended on that car to get me where I needed to go without walking (i.e., life before technology). We have had satellite television for 14 years. Love the technology because without it we could not enjoy news, sports and entertainment where we live. But when there is a torrential downpour, we hate it. It just doesn't work. I love my laptop because I can be productive and stay connected from anywhere. I hate the sensitivity of my track pad and when our Internet connection isn't working. My tablet is awesome, but I hate when it unexpectedly restarts when I am in the middle of something. Do I even need to mention my cell phone and no reception? This is my love/hate relationship with technology.

Some people would say that those are just inconveniences of using technology. I wholeheartedly agree. My problem is that I rely on it for work and personal life so much that when it does not perform the way I expect it to or want it to, I get irritated. I know I'm not alone. I would like to say I could live without technology, but that would be a lie. I love the convenience of throwing clothes in the washer and dryer instead of doing it by hand. The dishwasher is a lifesaver in my efforts to keep the kitchen clean. The stove, oven, crockpot, refrigerator, microwave...and don't get me started on the benefits of flush toilet technology!

Individuals who rely on technology in their jobs understand the love/hate relationship. Technology allows them to perform their jobs more effectively, communicate more efficiently, and collaborate in ways never before available. But when technology temporarily restricts those tasks, they often get upset. Teaching with technology can be frustrating when the internet doesn’t work or the equipment fails. Unreliable scanning equipment in the medical field would not only be stressful for the employee but anxiety-ridden for the patient. The inconvenience of a bank or insurance company having a server down or information unavailable to the customer for any period of time could impact how their customers view them. Ever been on the phone with a customer service representative when their computers are running slow? Or worked for a company whose photocopier broke down? Not only do these situations affect the employee using the technology, but it may also affects their relationship with the student, customer, client, etc.

Technology has allowed us to do much more than we ever could without it, but we have to be careful that it doesn't take the place of human interaction or human reason. I can spend hours on social media, connecting with family, friends, colleagues or people I hardly know. The problem comes when I allow that time to interfere with my in-person connections sitting right in front of me. We can collect and analyze data much easier and more efficiently than ever before, but it's what humans do with the data that makes a difference. For example, the dealership is going to connect my car to the their computer. Our computers will "talk" and they will determine what is wrong with my car. But I would hope that the mechanic will also drive my car to hear, feel and see what my car is doing. A computer cannot do that. Teachers use technology to collect data on their students' growth or lack thereof. That data should then be used to intervene and assist students in overcoming an obstacle. Only people can do this. While the data collected through technology is extremely beneficial, it's the people who use the data to help others that make a difference. This applies to the medical field, customer service and just about any organization that uses technology to collect information.

Movies on laptop plugged into converter box plugged into car 12 volt outlet

So while I sit here contemplating my relationship with my car (among other technologies), I truly am thankful for the advancement in technology as it has made life easier in many respects. Technology will continue to change and I look forward to how it will impact my children’s adult lives. I hope they appreciate the benefits of what it affords them to do and that they will have more love and less hate in those relationships.