You want me to do what?

/rəˈlāSH(ə)nˌSHip/: The way in which two or more people regard and behave toward one another. (lexico.com) The reason I am passionate about relationships is that they are part of everything we do. Every time we interact with someone, whether physically or online, we are in a relationship. No, not the Facebook or cultural “in a relationship,” but “the way two or more people behave toward one another” relationship.

Not all relationships are lengthy or deeply personal like we have with our families, marriages, and close friends. But they all require love. I once saw a photo of a church sign that said, “Just love them all. I’ll sort them out later.” Love. Them. All. ‘All’ includes your difficult family members, an unreasonable neighbor, your impatient boss, the crazy homeless person you see on your way to work, and everyone else we come in contact with.

I want to love ALL like God loves me. That means those with opposite lifestyles, multiple personalities, and different opinions. It’s easy to love people who are like me, agree with me, and love me back. But how do I love imperfect people (myself included)? I believe it’s a combination of I Corinthians 13 and Matthew West’s song Do Something. I Corinthians 13 tells me how and the song tells me to take action.

Here is how I’ve applied, and continue to apply, I Corinthians 13: 4-7 to my relationships:

Be patient: Patience is not something that comes easy to me, but I’ve had many situations to practice patience. God taught me patience through an independent toddler, an inclination to say “yes” too often, and more ways than I'd like to admit to. I still hear His voice when I’m frustrated with long lines, traffic, and people. 😊

Be kind: Like the Good Samaritan story (Luke 10:25-37), I am called to be kind in my relationships. I try to open doors, smile more, and make conversation (or just say ‘hi’). Being kind includes helping my spouse or friend and listening instead of talking.

Do not be envious: Love is not envious of others' possessions, careers, kids, brains, talents, etc. As I get older, I’ve learned to be content with what God has given me. When I focus on what I do not have, I am unhappy. And my unhappiness does not lead to loving others.

Do not boast or be proud: It is okay to be proud of the person God made me and how He uses me, but when my focus is on being better than others, then I am not showing love. 

Do not dishonor others: God has shown me that my mouth is capable of dishonoring others. The words I use or the way I say those words have humiliated, demeaned, or hurt other people. I am not perfect, but I’m learning to hold my tongue more. 

Do not be self-seeking: Rather than insisting on doing what I want to do, I show love by going out to dinner where my kids would prefer to go, by giving of my time to volunteer at the homeless shelter, and by taking care of the day-to-day duties of running our home without complaining.

Do not be easily angered: When I have over-committed and get stressed out, I find myself getting angry more quickly and often say things I don’t mean. I have to make a concerted effort to remember to love the driver in front of me, the grocery store clerk, or just about anyone who is slowing me down to get things accomplished.

Keep no record of wrongs: This is forgiving and letting it go. I distinctly remember asking God how many times I needed to forgive “this person” for the same ‘wrong.’ It may be hard to believe, but I heard Him say “seventy times seven.” (Matthew 18:22) What’s amazing is that when I continue to forgive, even for the same issue, I never get to seventy times seven (yes, I’ve tried counting). 🙄

Do not rejoice in wrongdoing: When I hurt someone, make a mistake, or do something wrong, I fess up to it (most of the time). My relationships are only healthy when I am truthful. Also, not celebrating or gloating (even internally) when someone else messes up falls in this category.

Always protect: I’m a mom. Watching out for people like they are my kids isn’t too difficult. But standing up for others when their shortcomings are revealed is harder. In these situations, I try to see life from their perspective and protect them by not adding more negativity to the fire.

Always trust: When someone hurts me, it is easy to not want to trust them again. But love calls me to always trust, not to be suspicious. I’ll admit this isn’t always easy, yet I believe it is the right thing to do. For my relationships that are not close and personal, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I've been in places in my life where I have not been at my best and I hope others have done the same for me.

Always hope: Hope is a confident belief in something unseen. Expressing my confidence in my husband’s and children’s abilities and potential, is part of loving them. Believing that people will change, that circumstances will get better, and that there is something better beyond this world are what keep me always hoping.

Always persevere: Over my lifetime, I’ve encountered difficult times in various relationships. I can honestly say that persevering through those times has been worth it in the long run. This devotion by Sharon Jaynes reiterates that fact (at least in marriages) when it states, “86 percent of unhappily married people who stick it out find that, five years later, their marriages are happier.”

I do not love perfectly in any of my relationships. I often find myself asking God, “Why?” Why do I have to…? Why don’t they…? Why me? And “You want me to do what?” His answer is always “Because I love you. Don’t you want others to feel that love too?” And I do. 

25-Year Love Letter

This summer, Fred and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. We visited the beach where we got married, stayed at The Homestead where we stayed on our wedding night, and spent some time reminiscing about our time together. Our literal and figurative stroll down memory lane highlighted how much has changed in 25 years.

I started reflecting on our quarter century together when I came to the realization that our oldest son was turning the same age as Fred was when we met. For some reason my beau-to-be seemed older than what I want to believe my son is now. Then I realized…he could meet his future wife any time! This, of course, led to a list of things I want our boys to remember when "seeking" and marrying a spouse. 

• Put your relationship with God first. Human relationships are not forever. Humans are faulty. Spouses leave. Death occurs. God will be there through all your trials and successes. Spend time working on this relationship.
• Know yourself before choosing a partner...what you like/dislike, what is important to you in relationships, where you envision your future, how important your parents are to you 😉, etc. Don't define yourself by the person you choose (see first bullet).
• Choose a partner wisely. While it may be hard to see beyond the initial infatuation
  
  and passion, look for a friend who is going to stick it out for the long haul. Someone who will stretch your comfort zone, who shares your values, and encourages you to grow. Look for traits like patience, forgiveness, and unselfishness. You’ll notice these the more time you spend with someone.
• Make your relationship with your spouse a priority, every day and especially during the tough times. You may disagree about family, friendships, and finances (maybe even politics). You'll navigate emotions, physical ailments, and spiritually battles. It's during those tough times that you need someone who makes your relationship a priority (see third bullet). Also, remember trials are temporary even if it doesn’t feel that way when you’re going through them.
• Communicate regularly. This may be one of the most difficult parts of your relationship, but it's one of the most important. Don't expect your spouse to know what you're thinking or assume you know what she is thinking. Talk about your day, your plans, your future. Celebrate your victories. Share your struggles. And listen to hers.
• Seek wise and mature counsel. I often wonder how my parents and grandparents stayed married so long. Our 25 years isn't even half my grandparents' marital success, yet I am learning what it takes. Don't be afraid to reach out to experienced couples. You're not the first to go through whatever you're going through.

I read a devotion this summer that said marriage is “about sacrifice. It is about caring for the needs of someone else above your own. It is about believing in the impossible when your hope is all but gone. It’s about asking God to give you wisdom and then having the courage to change when he reveals the problem is you.” I’d like to say that in 25 years the problem was never me, but that would be a lie. In fact, I’m thankful for the positive changes I’ve seen in me. Let’s hope Fred does too because I’d like to make it another 25 years.

Who Do You Know?

It may have been on my work reading list for a year, but I finally finished Who You Know by Julia Freeland Fisher. While the book’s focus is on the social capital of students and how schools can help them develop their networks, I could relate many of the concepts to my own life. In addition to the book, volunteering at the local homeless shelter has opened my eyes to the fact that there are people who haven’t been as fortunate in developing their networks and relationships. I feel blessed to know the people I do.

Below are a few concepts from the book that resonated with me. 

My strong ties

• Strong and Weak Ties: There are people who I am close to and share much of my life with…my husband, children, dad, close family and friends. These strong ties are the people who I confide in, who support me when I need it, and just plain put up with me on a regular basis. I also have a network of weak ties…extended family, friends from high school and college, past colleagues and students, and those who have impacted a portion of my life. These ties are not weak in a sense that they are less important, but the role they play in my life is different than the strong ties. (See Value of Networks below.)
• Inherited Networks: I was born into a specific social infrastructure. For much of my youth, who I knew was determined by my parents. My parents valued family so I knew my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and even extended family. We also had a network of church friends. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized that not everyone was as fortunate to have these types of inherited networks. As an adult, I added to my network from my college experiences, work experiences, and life interests.
• Value of Networks: The books shares how our networks help provide information, influence, social credibility, and identity for us. If it was not for the weak tie of a past boss who provided information (i.e., shared the opportunity) and influence (i.e., gave a recommendation), who also had social credibility with this person, I would not be doing the work I am doing today. I’ve received consulting work from the recommendation of some of my weak ties. While my strong ties are important for my personal life, it is often my weak ties that have helped me in my career.
• Technology: I resisted Facebook until 2009 when my brother refused to email me pictures of my nephew because that’s where he shared them. My LinkedIn account became active when I decided to look for a new job seven years ago. I know many people who have met their mate on a dating site. Texting, conference calls, and webinars are part of my daily routine. Technology has allowed me to connect and stay connected much easier than in the past. It has also made my work much more efficient. While I love these tools, I still have a strong desire to spend time with people conversing face-to-face.

Since finishing the book, I’ve reflected on my networks over the years. If not for an insistent business teacher in high school, I would not have started on a path that has led to so many opportunities for me in ways that I did not expect. Had I not worked my way through college, I would not have had the chance to learn so much from the individuals who took me under their wings. While I could make the argument that who I knew did not introduce me to my husband, in a round-about way it did…(If I didn’t have a college professor who found a summer internship for me where I met a good friend who convinced me to look for a local job, I wouldn’t have met my husband at said job.) 🙂

My favorite research from the book was a study done over more than half a century. People from Harvard grads to inner city individuals were interviewed. The study found that people who were most satisfied with their relationships at 50 years old were the healthiest at 80 years old. This may be interesting to me because I am 50 years old and love my relationships…all of them…strong and weak, short- and long-term. Each has helped define who I am, and I’ve learned so much from them. It may also be interesting to me because I hope to live to be at least 80. 😉

As our boys begin their adulthood, I hope that they work on strengthening their strong ties and continue to build their weak ones. Their networks, beyond what they inherited from us, are further along than either my husband or I were at their ages. Being involved in Young Life and the fraternity has introduced them to many people that can help them in their careers and in life. I’m proud of them for seeking out these networks and hope they know that their strongest tie (i.e., mom/me) will always be here when they need it.

❤ = love, sort of

Long before the heart emoji existed, many people, including me, drew hearts to express their love. I put hearts at the end of letters and in cards. I included hearts on notes to my parents and friends. I wrote hearts in my school notebooks next to names of boys I liked. While those hearts represented my love at the time, I knew very little of what love was.

Rarely do I hear the words ‘What is love?’ and not hear the song by Haddaway in my head or think about the Night at the Roxbury skit. Type in ‘love’ in Google and you will get 13.16 billion results. Songs, books, movies, news stories, psychological articles, nonprofits, sites that sell love/love-related items, and more. It’s quite a popular topic. Look at the definition of love and you’ll find it is a noun (e.g., a feeling, a person, or a score in tennis), yet it is shown through our actions (i.e., a verb).  

Love, of course, is more than a feeling. People fall in and out of the ‘love feeling’ all the time. When we love others, it doesn’t mean we’ll never get hurt or that we’ll never hurt others. We love our children, but they probably think we hurt them when they are disciplined. I’m guilty of hurting my husband, children, and friends by saying mean things to them. Having “tough love” by not fixing the mistakes our loved ones make is not easy to do either. It really is hard to love at times.

I want to love better. #37 on My 50 List is ‘Study love as described in the Bible.’ Throughout 2018, my studying consisted of morning devotions about love (some but not all). I also read the book Love Like That: 5 Relationship Secrets From Jesus by Les Parrott III. And I’ve read 1 Corinthians 13 in different translations. Yes, I could have studied more, and even though 2018 is over, I plan to continue to learn more about love.

According to The Message, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says [bolding is mine]

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

This message seems counter to what we learn in our world today… it’s okay to be impatient with the waitress or the car in front of you or the cashier at the grocery store; every commercial encourages you to be better than others; keep up with the Jones’ of social media; be angry with others whose opinions differ from yours.

Since I was a youth, I heard and read the above Corinthians verses. Reading the words isn’t the same as living them and it wasn’t until about six years ago that I started to really internalize them. I asked God for years to give me patience. Then I read somewhere that God doesn’t GIVE us patience, He helps us through situations so we LEARN patience. I realized that I “coveted” more than I thought (e.g., better hair, more money, less weight, etc.). When I’m tired or stressed, I lash out at others. And I would love to erase the mental list of wrongs done to me. When I truly study the love list, I have much room for improvement.

As a physical reminder about wanting to love better, I chose to get a tattoo (#10 on My 50 List). The tattoo I chose is an infinity symbol with a cross and a heart, located on my wrist so I see it every day. It’s a reminder to me that I want to love continually but I need help in doing so and I get that help through my faith. I’d like to love unconditionally. I’d like to always follow the love instructions in 1 Corinthians 13. Yet I know that I will sometimes (maybe often) fail. And that’s okay as long as I keep seeking help from God to learn a little more about loving others. Even though I know I won’t be able to love perfectly, it’s something I will strive toward beyond My 50 List (and beyond the ❤ emoji).

Learning through Life’s Struggles

There he was. On his stomach. Grunting and groaning, whining and fussing. His head bobbed up and down. His arms and legs whipped all around. He stretched and strained, but he could not move across the floor.

We bought a camcorder the summer our first child was born. Over nine years, we accumulated 30 hours of our life on tape. Not wanting to lose those memories, I recently converted the 15 8mm tapes to digital. Of course I had to start watching the recordings to make sure they were actually converted. 😉 Oh the hours of our adorable baby on those first few tapes! (Three for just his first five months!)

In that first year of our oldest son’s life, I watched as he strained to control his arms and hands, learned to swallow cereal, struggled to roll over, and figured out how to comfort himself. It took him more than one or two minutes, and more than one or two times, before he mastered each of these skills. To be honest, there were parts of the video where I was telling my younger self to put down the camera and pick him up! But it was in those struggles where his learning occurred.

Isn’t that life? We struggle with problems, obstacles, and pain in our lives. We complain when life gets difficult, forgetting that there is a lesson in each of those situations. The older I get, the more I understand how the struggles in my life have helped me to grow. I’m not saying I liked the struggles, but I am pretty proud to have successfully come out on the other side a wiser, patient, and more empathetic person.

Many of the lessons in my life have taken more than one or two minutes, and more than one or two struggles, to learn. Holding my tongue, being patient with others, and understanding that I’m not in control have taken many years to acquire (at times I still have to work on them). Through these life lessons, I’ve also grown in my relationship with God. My faith has become stronger as I’ve learned to trust Him when life is hard. Learning to trust God was a lesson in itself.

Our sons no longer have the struggles they did as infants, but they will continue to have struggles. Adult problems. Financial. Physical. Mental. Relational. Career. I hope they reach out to us when they are hurting. I want them to look for the lesson in each hardship. And I pray that they seek God to walk with them through difficult times.

Active Aging

Our trail companion

My husband and I started our empty nesting with a trip to Isle Royale National Park and the Apostle Islands (WI) this past week. Prior to children, we had been pretty adventurous people. We hiked, biked, rock climbed, white water rafted, and even spent a summer working in Alaska. I’ve been looking forward to returning to many of these activities after the boys were on their own.

During this eight day excursion we hiked, biked, kayaked, and walked. Throughout the trip I came to a few realizations about my current “adventurous” self. 

1. I’m not quite as “active” as I used to be [and that’s okay]. 
2. I still like the challenge of these activities.
3. I can [and want to] do these activities.

We saw lots of people with large backpacks going to Isle Royale on the ferry. I started to feel like a wimp as we chose to stay in the Lodge. Fred reminded me that it was okay. We had done plenty of tent camping in the past and it’s not like we were staying at the Ritz. (The Lodge was equivalent to a normal budget hotel room.) And he was right. When it rained the first night, I was thankful for my warm, dry room (with a bathroom).

Isle Royale

I try to remain active by walking, biking, and swimming. I know I could be doing these at a more intensive level and grasped that even more on this trip. Back in my twenties I had a lot more stamina both during the activity and for the entire day. I also wasn’t as sore and achy after physical exertion. During this trip, I found myself being more cautious with my footing as we hiked and climbed rocks. Where I used to bound down the trail or from one rock to another, my brain and body now told me to take it slow.

After spending 20 years raising kids and focusing on activities that interested them, I had begun to wonder if I’d find enjoyment in my interests anymore. Those fears were dispelled on this trip. Getting to the top of the trail and overlooking Lake Superior or exploring a sea cave in a kayak was still exhilarating (I even giggled when ducking down to go through a small sea cave...twice!). While the trail sometimes seemed long or the rain put a damper on the view, the feeling of accomplishment made it worth the discomfort.

Apostle Islands

Even though I’m not as active as I used to be and not nearly in the shape I’d like to be, I realized I’m still able to do these types of activities. More than that, I want to do them. It doesn’t matter to me if I’m slower than before, I want the challenge and the high that comes with it. I’m not sure we’ll go back to Isle Royale (there are so many places I’d like to see), but if we do, I’d consider hiking from one end of the island to the other (40 miles). There were lots of retired people enjoying the activities the outdoors provided. That gives me encouragement that 10-15 years in the future, I will still be able to hike, bike, kayak, etc. I hope Fred and I have many opportunities to continue to challenge our active selves in this empty nesting phase of our life.

Note to our boys: You’re never too old to explore new places. You would love exploring both of these places so put them on your bucket list.

DNA = Do Not (over)Analyze

Where I get if from

There are many parts of me that look or act like my dad. Sometimes that’s a good thing and other times I’m not so sure. When I was in my freshman year of college we argued over who was going to buy the outfit I wanted. I was trying to express my independence and he just wanted to show his love for me. He doesn’t remember that stubborn-laden incident, but it’s ingrained in my memory as the first time I realized how much alike we were in more than physical features.

The main trait I believe I received from my mom was emotions. I have embarrassed my kids on more than one occasion because of my emotions, especially crying. I cry when I’m happy, sad, frustrated, nervous, and even when someone else cries. Both of my parents are/were very relational. They always opened their house to people, ministered to those they don’t personally know, and truly loved spending time with others whenever and wherever. My interest in observing, building, and maintaining relationships began with them.

One of the things on My Year of 50 list was to take a DNA test. I received my 23andMe results this month. Not surprising that my ancestry composition was 99.9% European with 75.2% Finnish and 5.7% Italian or that I’m likely to have hazel eyes and light hair. Results that made me laugh were that I would likely consume more caffeine (I don’t drink coffee and not much pop), likely not have dimples (really?), and likely prefers salt (I’ll take ice cream over chips any day). I guess the test can’t be 100% accurate for everyone.

What doesn’t show up on the test results are the emotional and relational traits I feel I received from my parents. I understand these traits could be learned or developed from the environment I grew up in, but my three brothers do not have the same emotional and relational make-up as me. Our two boys have very different personalities and ways in which they deal with life and they both grew up in the same environment. So it makes me wonder how genes influence our emotions, personality, and relationship behaviors.

Time to get a real family photo

Our children have definitely inherited our physical traits and even seem to have similar personalities as us. The youngest is much like me in looks, personality, and actions and many of my husband’s traits are apparent in our oldest son, but they have their own uniqueness as well. Our oldest has larger feet than my husband and our youngest does not have dimples (we both do). I should mention though, they both seem to be much smarter academically than either of us. Did they inherit that recessive gene or did we just do a great job nurturing learning? My guess is it may be both.

Nature and nurture both influence who we are. I didn’t need a DNA test to tell me that, but it was fun to see what information came back. As the boys move ahead into adulthood, I am eager to observe their personalities and relationships. And while I’m in no hurry for grandchildren, I secretly can’t wait to see how their traits and environments manifest themselves in their children.

[Thanks to Elliott for coming up with the title for this blog. I love that kid!]

Younger Me

The first time I heard the beginning of the song ‘Dear Younger Me’ by Mercy Me, I immediately thought about our boys, especially our youngest son who is a mini-me. People say he looks like me. He and I think alike. And he acts a lot like me. (I just wish he didn’t act the not-so-nice parts of me!) As I listened to these lyrics, I thought about him turning 18 this year, leaving for college, and all the adult decisions he’s going to have to make. What should I tell him? How much do I share? Should I let him make his own mistakes?

“Dear younger me

Where do I start

If I could tell you everything that I have learned so far

Then you could be

One step ahead

Of all the painful memories still running thru my head”

Then the next line caught me off guard. “I wonder how much different things would be” and thought maybe the song isn’t about the boys. It might be about me. The next verse clinched it.

“Do I give some speech about how to get the most out of your life

Or do I go deep

And try to change

The choices that you’ll make cuz they’re choices that made me

Even though I love this crazy life

Sometimes I wish it was a smoother ride”

Yup. It was about me.

When I think of my relationship with myself, there were times that I wasn’t too happy with who I was. There were also times when I was pretty proud of me. In both of these situations, it had little to do with material possessions and more to do with the words I said, the actions I did, and the attitude I had. While I can’t change my past, I can learn (and have) from it. As our boys navigate their adulthood, I hope they also reflect on their choices and learn from each of them.

My Year of 50 Update

#3 Contribute at least 600 miles to my Run 2018 team - I completed 50 miles for January so I’m on track to meeting this goal.

#4 Eat fewer carbohydrates and less sugar and #5 Eat more fruits and veggies - I started the month better than I ended, but this blog reminds me to get me back on track.

#6 Exercise at least five days a week - Maybe not at the level I would have liked, but met the five days a week.

#23 Monthly coffee/drink date with a girlfriend - Spent a night with a fellow quinquagenarian the day after she turned 50.

#25 Post once a week on Instagram/Facebook - Check my accounts.

#28 Read Still Alice - I thought the author was a very good writer. I often felt like I was the main character. Maybe it had to do with her turning 50 and me not remembering things so well.

#30 Reconnect with an old friend - I worked with Dorothy at NMU in the Development Fund office. We attended hockey games and hung out outside of work. She moved to Ohio and we kept in touch for a short time, but then lost touch. We just reconnected on Facebook and hope to meet up again soon. I hope to reconnect with other people this year that I’ve lost touch with.

#32 Send/leave an inspirational note/compliment to someone each week - Done every week. This was harder than I thought. I kept wondering if what I was sending would be received as inspirational or a compliment.

#34 Start a gratitude journal and place an entry every week - Done every week. This was pretty easy. Guess I’m pretty thankful.

#39 Take a yoga or Pilates class - We joined the local YMCA and Fred went to a Pilates class with me. Not crossing this one off the list just yet as I don’t feel one session constitutes a class.

#41 Try a new food every month - I tried butternut squash at a friend’s house and I made spaghetti squash. The rest of the family had regular spaghetti, just like my mom used to do for us. J

#47 Watch at least 10 sunsets - I watched my first sunset in January. It was a frigid cold evening and the red was compacted around where the sun was setting. But the coolest part was this column of red that was beaming straight up from the sun. Wish I could’ve taken a picture but I was driving.

#48 Watch Still Alice and compare to book – I liked the book better.

#49 Write down one positive thing about myself each week - Done every week. This was a little harder than I thought it would be.

#50 Write in my blog every month - Two months down!

It Feels Good to Cry

Today, I cried. I’m not embarrassed though because crying is good for you (just Google benefits of crying). It wasn’t an angry cry or a hopeless cry or a frustrated cry or a sobbing cry or even a grieving cry, although I’ve had many of those over the years. If I had to categorize it, it was a sad cry.

This boy turned 19 today.

Our oldest turned 19 today. Every year, I write each of the boys a letter for their birthday. This isn’t a letter that they open on their birthday, but rather one that I tuck away for the future. The letter is a summary of their past year…milestones, friends, sports, vacations, behaviors, etc. I print it, put it in an envelope, and stick it in their “saving box,” the place where we store keepsakes for them like report cards, writings, art work, and awards. The boys know about the boxes and understand they will receive them when they are “old enough,” which I’m anticipating is when they buy a house and we deliver the boxes with the rest of their childhood “memorabilia.” I don’t scrapbook so these letters are my way of keeping an account of their lives.

It was while I was writing his letter this morning that I cried. As I thought of his first year of college and all that transpired, I was overwhelmed with a mixture of sadness and pride. Sad that he is no longer around all the time yet proud that he is growing into a responsible young adult. He has handled adversity well and has learned some great life lessons this year.

I’m quite the emotional person and have been known to cry easily (to the embarrassment of our kids). I sobbed watching the movie “Up.” (More than once.) Stories of individuals doing something special for others, like caring for the homeless or the TV show Extreme Home Makeover, make me teary. When I see other people cry, I cry. While water ekes out of my eyes in each of these situations, none refresh my soul like a good alone cry. It’s during those times that I reflect, talk to God, and let the tears freely flow. After all, every one of those tears is washing away stress hormones from my body. What’s not good about that?

I know men tend not to cry as often as women, but I hope as our boys become men, they will experience the release that occurs when they allow themselves to cry. Whether they cry alone, with a significant other, or in a room full of people, I hope they find comfort through the tears, just like their mom does.