❤ = love, sort of

Long before the heart emoji existed, many people, including me, drew hearts to express their love. I put hearts at the end of letters and in cards. I included hearts on notes to my parents and friends. I wrote hearts in my school notebooks next to names of boys I liked. While those hearts represented my love at the time, I knew very little of what love was.

Rarely do I hear the words ‘What is love?’ and not hear the song by Haddaway in my head or think about the Night at the Roxbury skit. Type in ‘love’ in Google and you will get 13.16 billion results. Songs, books, movies, news stories, psychological articles, nonprofits, sites that sell love/love-related items, and more. It’s quite a popular topic. Look at the definition of love and you’ll find it is a noun (e.g., a feeling, a person, or a score in tennis), yet it is shown through our actions (i.e., a verb).  

Love, of course, is more than a feeling. People fall in and out of the ‘love feeling’ all the time. When we love others, it doesn’t mean we’ll never get hurt or that we’ll never hurt others. We love our children, but they probably think we hurt them when they are disciplined. I’m guilty of hurting my husband, children, and friends by saying mean things to them. Having “tough love” by not fixing the mistakes our loved ones make is not easy to do either. It really is hard to love at times.

I want to love better. #37 on My 50 List is ‘Study love as described in the Bible.’ Throughout 2018, my studying consisted of morning devotions about love (some but not all). I also read the book Love Like That: 5 Relationship Secrets From Jesus by Les Parrott III. And I’ve read 1 Corinthians 13 in different translations. Yes, I could have studied more, and even though 2018 is over, I plan to continue to learn more about love.

According to The Message, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says [bolding is mine]

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

This message seems counter to what we learn in our world today… it’s okay to be impatient with the waitress or the car in front of you or the cashier at the grocery store; every commercial encourages you to be better than others; keep up with the Jones’ of social media; be angry with others whose opinions differ from yours.

Since I was a youth, I heard and read the above Corinthians verses. Reading the words isn’t the same as living them and it wasn’t until about six years ago that I started to really internalize them. I asked God for years to give me patience. Then I read somewhere that God doesn’t GIVE us patience, He helps us through situations so we LEARN patience. I realized that I “coveted” more than I thought (e.g., better hair, more money, less weight, etc.). When I’m tired or stressed, I lash out at others. And I would love to erase the mental list of wrongs done to me. When I truly study the love list, I have much room for improvement.

As a physical reminder about wanting to love better, I chose to get a tattoo (#10 on My 50 List). The tattoo I chose is an infinity symbol with a cross and a heart, located on my wrist so I see it every day. It’s a reminder to me that I want to love continually but I need help in doing so and I get that help through my faith. I’d like to love unconditionally. I’d like to always follow the love instructions in 1 Corinthians 13. Yet I know that I will sometimes (maybe often) fail. And that’s okay as long as I keep seeking help from God to learn a little more about loving others. Even though I know I won’t be able to love perfectly, it’s something I will strive toward beyond My 50 List (and beyond the ❤ emoji).

Importance of Relationships in Battles

Have you ever had a friend, family member, or yourself go through a trying time? Maybe it was a situation or circumstance that was difficult, and in turn, strained a relationship or relationships. If you haven’t, you should feel blessed because for the most part, we all have them at some point in our lives.

When I look back at times in my life where I have felt the weight of something that was happening at a particular time, I think, how did I ever get out of that (or over it)? At these times, I see a battlefield. A line drawn in the sand where two camps are set up on either side. On one side is Satan/Evil/The Dark Side with his minions. On the other is me, or whoever I see is struggling. Satan is constantly sending fiery darts, things like lies, insults, situations, temptations, etc. at me. While I begin standing tall, I do get hurt. Over time I start to focus on where it hurts and take my eyes off the battle. I continue to get attacked and soon am bent over, finally falling to my knees and then on the ground. Sometimes it’s like I can’t fight any longer.

This is where relationships come in. I see others on my side. There are family members and friends who are there to fight for and with me, supporting me, encouraging me, praying for me. And over time (everything takes time) my wounds heal and I can begin to stand again. Maybe weakly at first, but I become stronger with their support. There may be times that I get hit again and fall, but I can get back up. That’s why relationships are so important in our lives. We cannot fight life’s battles all on our own. We need people there to be in our corner, to fight on our behalf.

One of the ways in which I feel I have strength to stand, not that I am always strong, is from my upbringing. Ephesians 6:10-18 discusses putting on God’s complete armor. This is a song we sang when I was a kid.

Put on God’s complete armor, so that you can successfully resist…all of the Devil’s methods of attack. You must wear truth as your belt, righteousness as your breastplate. The gospel of peace, firmly on your feet, salvation as your helmet. And in your hand the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God. Lift up over all, faith as your shield, lift up over all, faith as your shield, for it shall quench any flaming arrow the enemy fires at you.

Whether you are a Christian or not, many of these pieces of armor are good to have to fight the battles in your life.

Truth. Who doesn’t want truth in their lives? We want people to be truthful with us, we want to know the truth, and we want people to believe us. Often times when we are attacked, we question the truth. We believe lies, whether they are about us or others in our lives. In turn, it brings us down. It hurts us. By wearing truth as your belt, you are seeking the truth instead of believing everything that is hurled at you.

Peace. Don’t we all want peace at home, at work, and within ourselves? I find it interesting that in the song above, peace is on your feet. Wherever we walk, we should be bringing peace and finding peace. What is peace? According to Wikipedia, peace is an absence of hostility. Peace also means healthy interpersonal relationships. That sounds like something we could all use.

Faith. It’s interesting that faith is a shield. When singing this song, I see myself holding up my shield to stop a fiery dart that may be coming at me. But when I am weak, I cannot hold up that shield any longer. I may even be crouched on the ground, hiding under it, but I still have faith. Faith that things will get better. Faith that I can win this battle.  We can all use a little faith.

Along with truth, peace, and faith, we also need people on the battlefield with us. Often times we fight amongst ourselves on this side of the battlefield. If we view life as a battlefield and focus on supporting one another to fight off whatever it is that attacks us, we can be stronger. If you look at the bigger picture, we are not enemies. The enemy is the lies, deception, etc. that infiltrate our lives. By fighting together and supporting one another, we can help each other to overcome those difficult situations and circumstances we all encounter.