Peace at Home

About this time every summer life gets overly busy. I over-fill our evenings and weekends with very little time to relax at home. Maybe subconsciously I think summer is almost over and try to cram in as much as possible. Honestly though, I think it’s just me. I like being busy. Whether it is exercising, hanging out with family and friends, or just going somewhere, count me in! (With all this fun, where do I find time to do house chores?)  😉

I used to blame the busyness on the kids and their schedules. But the boys have cars so I can’t blame it on driving them around. They also have summer jobs where they work just as much as me. Their free time is spent with friends (and they don’t usually invite me). And to top it off, this summer our oldest stayed at college. There’s no one to blame for the schedule but myself. “What’s so bad about being busy anyway?” says our 18-year old who does the same thing as me.

I love weeks like this.

The problem with not controlling my schedule is I can get cranky, ignore my family, and become short-tempered. I don’t eat as well, exercise as hard, or think as clearly as when I “schedule” rest. Another problem is it leads to a frustrated husband because I over-scheduled myself, or us, again. When my/our schedule is overbooked, there is a shortage of peace in our home.

In June, I read a daily devotion titled “Love Lives Here.” It was about being intentional about creating peace in your own home. The author shared three ways (bolded below) to create that peace.

• Speak words that build peace. My mouth is probably the biggest culprit when it comes to a peace-less home environment. Yes, I tell my family that I love them or am proud of them or even that I forgive them. And I mean it when I say it. Yet I have to continually work to keep from nagging them, snapping at them, or saying hurtful things to them especially when I overschedule our lives.
• Create a home that promotes peace. If this was the only item the author suggested, we should have plenty of peace in our home. We eat healthy meals together and often invite others to join us. I control the clutter (at least when I “let go” of the boys’ bedrooms) and I stick to our budget. Helping each other with projects and tasks, taking family vacations, and communicating shows that we care about one another. We’ve even developed systems that keep chaos at bay like the last one to empty the Kool-Aid pitcher makes more. When the boys were little I instituted a system for breakfast or dinner so planning would be easier (e.g., Personal Pizza Sunday, Toast or Taco Tuesday, Waffle Wednesday, Find-your-own-food Friday, etc.). Tending a garden was also suggested to promote peace, but I find little peace in my flower beds.
• Be a woman who promotes peace. To promote peace in our home, my response to those I love needs to be peaceful, especially in times when I feel taken for granted, left out, or hurt in some way. My initial knee-jerk reaction is to use my words to tell them how I feel (see first bullet). When I take the time to clench my mouth shut and think through the issue, my actual response is much more loving and peaceful.

The peace-meter in our home may have reached the yellow zone last week. I saw the warning signs and realized I need to make intentional decisions to say no to additional commitments or at minimum, check my words and actions. I like a peaceful home (Who wouldn’t?!) and when I feel peace here, it’s easier to bring that peace to those outside my home.

Note to our family and friends: I don’t want this message to be misconstrued. We love to get together with you. The scheduling issue is more of an attitude check for me. Keep asking us to do things with you!

My Love Goal

My Love Training Ground

Love is more than a feeling. More than saying, “I love you.” More than using the ❤ emoji a million times. Love is action, especially when we don’t feel like it. 

It’s easy to love people when they are like us or are nice to us. Unfortunately we meet a lot of people who do not fit into that category. How about the

• cranky cashier at the grocery store?
• rude teenager living in your home?
• inconsiderate neighbor who let’s their dog poop in your yard? 
• self-centered boyfriend/girlfriend who talks about themselves constantly?
• demanding customer that never leaves a tip?

Cranky, rude, inconsiderate self-centered, demanding. Sounds a lot like me at times. I am thankful that I have people in my life who love me even when I act in ways that are not very loveable. 

My lifetime goal is to love like Jesus loved. I Corinthians 13 guides me and reminds me how to love. Be patient. Be kind. Be content with what I have and don’t boast about it. Serve others and not myself. Keep my anger in check. Forgive others. Always protect, trust, hope, and persevere. It is my goal to practice this love and put it into action.

Some tangible ways that I will practice love are to

• Hold my tongue instead of yelling at my husband in anger.
• Listen to a friend when I have a to-do list a mile long.
• Give my favorite (fill-in-the-blank) to someone in need.
• Say “I’m sorry” unsarcastically (and being truly sorry).
• Answer the phone even when I know it’s going to be a difficult conversation.
• Let the other car have the parking space or hold the door open for someone. 
• ‘Let it go’ when someone is rude to me.

I looked up the lyrics to the Beatles “All You Need Is Love” song (yes, there are other words besides those five). The words “It’s easy” caught my attention. I don’t believe love is easy. It takes work to love people. I know I will not be perfect in reaching my love goal. Sometimes I will fail. During those times, I hope that others will show their love for me by being patient and forgiving me…again. 

Intentional Living

My Year of 50 list was created to help me be intentional about things I wanted to accomplish this year...nearby places I’ve wanted to see, books I put off reading, and activities I kept saying I would do. I’ve always been a list maker and used to be a better goal setter so this list is a combination of both for the year I turn 50.

Now that one-third of the year is over I started analyzing the list and noting my accomplishments. What I realized is not how many boxes I’ve checked off but that life has been a lot less stressful and more enjoyable. I’ve taken the time to slow down and spend more time with my husband and friends. I worry less when my agenda goes awry or my to-do list is left undone. I’m not even that stressed about completing the 50 list (well maybe just a little). It’s not that I never get worked up anymore, but I feel that it’s a lot less often than it used to be. Here is my analysis of the list up to this point in the year. 

My Boyne City-Petoskey Girls

• Intentional girlfriend time has been a blessing for me. When our boys were younger and life was more chaotic I didn’t always take the time to connect with my gender unless we were with our kids. In April I had the honor of celebrating my long-time friend’s early 50^th birthday for an extended weekend in Las Vegas. Over most of our 42-year friendship, Paula and I have lived geographically apart so it was extra special to get away for girl-time. I was also able to celebrate the birthday of my neighborhood friend and running encourager, Marianne, in April. In May I caught up with my niece, Brina, over lunch, and spent a night celebrating birthdays with a host of girlfriends from Boyne City and Petoskey. During our time together we laugh, sometimes cry, reminisce, and talk. A lot. I’m thankful for all the girls in my life. You have no idea how much you mean to me.
•  I have been eating more fruits and vegetables and sometimes in place of my carbohydrates (that’s checking off two things on the list!). My new foods though haven’t always fallen in the healthy column. While on Spring Break in March I tried an alligator tail appetizer…breaded and fried. It was a little chewier than chicken nuggets but not as tough as fried clams. I doubt I’ll order them again. Las Vegas introduced me to gelato at Caesars Palace and a hot tamale at a restaurant called VegeNation. (I’m also checking off ‘a restaurant out of my comfort zone’ because I wouldn’t choose a vegan restaurant on my own.) Gelato and hot tamales both get a thumbs up. Brina and I shared fried dill pickles (Did I try them in college?) and we had eggplant for dinner one night. I’ll definitely make eggplant again.

  

  Hot Tamales

•  As a child I was a voracious reader. I read all the time. Even under my covers with a flashlight when my parents enforced bedtime. (Does that have anything to do with my terrible nearsightedness?) Over the years, I’ve put kids, jobs, and other things in front of reading. Putting books on my 50 list made me prioritize reading again. A classic novel is the only one left on my list, but I did read a bonus book in April and have two others sitting on the coffee table waiting to be read yet this year.
• Exercising at least five days a week has become normal even if some of those days are slow yoga or weight lifting. Getting into the pool for lap swims is something I look forward to each week. I’ve completed 25k of my 50k goal in organized runs/races and over 200 of the 600 miles for my Run the Year team. Plantar fasciitis has been a nagging issue this whole time though so I’m going to take a break from running for a few months to try to let it heal. The new plan is to ride my bike and swim more in place of running.

While analyzing my list it became apparent to me that everything on it had to do with relationships and not just the one with myself. Sure, more girl-time is definitely relational, but trying new foods or watching sunsets are also more fun when you do them with someone else. Even blogging every month has to do with my relationship with my kids (I’m hoping one day my boys will relate to something I share). Throughout the remainder of the year I will continue to be intentional about completing My Year of 50 list (for myself) and enjoy the bonus of spending more time with others in the process. Life is good!

DNA = Do Not (over)Analyze

Where I get if from

There are many parts of me that look or act like my dad. Sometimes that’s a good thing and other times I’m not so sure. When I was in my freshman year of college we argued over who was going to buy the outfit I wanted. I was trying to express my independence and he just wanted to show his love for me. He doesn’t remember that stubborn-laden incident, but it’s ingrained in my memory as the first time I realized how much alike we were in more than physical features.

The main trait I believe I received from my mom was emotions. I have embarrassed my kids on more than one occasion because of my emotions, especially crying. I cry when I’m happy, sad, frustrated, nervous, and even when someone else cries. Both of my parents are/were very relational. They always opened their house to people, ministered to those they don’t personally know, and truly loved spending time with others whenever and wherever. My interest in observing, building, and maintaining relationships began with them.

One of the things on My Year of 50 list was to take a DNA test. I received my 23andMe results this month. Not surprising that my ancestry composition was 99.9% European with 75.2% Finnish and 5.7% Italian or that I’m likely to have hazel eyes and light hair. Results that made me laugh were that I would likely consume more caffeine (I don’t drink coffee and not much pop), likely not have dimples (really?), and likely prefers salt (I’ll take ice cream over chips any day). I guess the test can’t be 100% accurate for everyone.

What doesn’t show up on the test results are the emotional and relational traits I feel I received from my parents. I understand these traits could be learned or developed from the environment I grew up in, but my three brothers do not have the same emotional and relational make-up as me. Our two boys have very different personalities and ways in which they deal with life and they both grew up in the same environment. So it makes me wonder how genes influence our emotions, personality, and relationship behaviors.

Time to get a real family photo

Our children have definitely inherited our physical traits and even seem to have similar personalities as us. The youngest is much like me in looks, personality, and actions and many of my husband’s traits are apparent in our oldest son, but they have their own uniqueness as well. Our oldest has larger feet than my husband and our youngest does not have dimples (we both do). I should mention though, they both seem to be much smarter academically than either of us. Did they inherit that recessive gene or did we just do a great job nurturing learning? My guess is it may be both.

Nature and nurture both influence who we are. I didn’t need a DNA test to tell me that, but it was fun to see what information came back. As the boys move ahead into adulthood, I am eager to observe their personalities and relationships. And while I’m in no hurry for grandchildren, I secretly can’t wait to see how their traits and environments manifest themselves in their children.

[Thanks to Elliott for coming up with the title for this blog. I love that kid!]

Trying to Avoid a Wall-e World

One of my all-time favorite movies is Wall·e. Like most of my other favorites (e.g., Princess Bride and Up), they are made for children but have messages that adults understand. At first glance, Wall·e may seem quite boring. Watching it in the elementary school cafeteria with our boys many years ago, I thought so too. Its “no-speaking” beginning had me yawning. The wastefulness, gluttony, and laziness displayed can also be disheartening. But they sprinkled in a little robot romance and message about protecting the Earth (even though it’s not the main message) and ‘Poof!’ it became a movie I talk about often.

I really want to minimize my footprint on this earth, but I have to admit that like any relationship it takes effort. I have to intentionally make decisions that aren’t always easy and sometimes might be uncomfortable. For example, we drove to Florida for vacation. Yes, I brought my refillable water bottle. No, I did not always refill it and sometimes drank bottled water. Every time I saw a plastic straw, I cringed, but accepted them more than I’d like to admit. Even though we brought a few reusable bags, we received plastic bags when we bought groceries. (We did use them for our recycling and in place of trash bags.)

Being on vacation and not in my normal routine or environment has also made me realize, even more, the waste that we as a society accumulate...the plastic cups and straws at restaurants, the trash on the beach, and the many landfills along the highways. But I have also witnessed positive signs...people picking up trash on the beach (even when it was not theirs) and recycling bins in many locations (often overflowing but being used). These examples do give me hope that our Earth will not become a Wall·e environment, at least in my lifetime. So I will continue to do my part in taking care of my small part of this planet as well the parts of it that I don't call home.

Update on My 50 List

• Went to a Red Wings game at Little Caesars Arena, but without Elliott. While it was supposed to be his 18th birthday gift, he and his hockey team decided to play so well this year that they won a spot in the Division 1 State Semi-final game. He obviously was not concerned about going to the game with us.
  
• In February I tried a chimichanga. Not too far out of my comfort zone as I love Mexican food, but I had not tried one before. Bonus is that while doing so, I spent some girlfriend time with my friend, Micki. February was actually a great month for girl-time as I went to the movies with Kim, had lunch with Karen and Tami, spent a weekend in Harbor Springs, and did a snowshoe hike with the ladies from my neighborhood! In March, Amy, Libby, and I went to the high school play, Legally Blonde. It was awesome!
• I completed my last course and renewed my teaching certificate.
• I got a couple of weeks behind in recording in my gratitude journal, positive things about me document, and inspirational notes sent. Back on track this week. 
• I can officially say that I’ve been attending a yoga class regularly and I’m counting it as one of my five days a week for exercising. Other days include walking/running, swimming, and/or lifting. 
• My first 5k run/race toward the 50k has been completed.
• Blog post for March ✔ 

Younger Me

The first time I heard the beginning of the song ‘Dear Younger Me’ by Mercy Me, I immediately thought about our boys, especially our youngest son who is a mini-me. People say he looks like me. He and I think alike. And he acts a lot like me. (I just wish he didn’t act the not-so-nice parts of me!) As I listened to these lyrics, I thought about him turning 18 this year, leaving for college, and all the adult decisions he’s going to have to make. What should I tell him? How much do I share? Should I let him make his own mistakes?

“Dear younger me

Where do I start

If I could tell you everything that I have learned so far

Then you could be

One step ahead

Of all the painful memories still running thru my head”

Then the next line caught me off guard. “I wonder how much different things would be” and thought maybe the song isn’t about the boys. It might be about me. The next verse clinched it.

“Do I give some speech about how to get the most out of your life

Or do I go deep

And try to change

The choices that you’ll make cuz they’re choices that made me

Even though I love this crazy life

Sometimes I wish it was a smoother ride”

Yup. It was about me.

When I think of my relationship with myself, there were times that I wasn’t too happy with who I was. There were also times when I was pretty proud of me. In both of these situations, it had little to do with material possessions and more to do with the words I said, the actions I did, and the attitude I had. While I can’t change my past, I can learn (and have) from it. As our boys navigate their adulthood, I hope they also reflect on their choices and learn from each of them.

My Year of 50 Update

#3 Contribute at least 600 miles to my Run 2018 team - I completed 50 miles for January so I’m on track to meeting this goal.

#4 Eat fewer carbohydrates and less sugar and #5 Eat more fruits and veggies - I started the month better than I ended, but this blog reminds me to get me back on track.

#6 Exercise at least five days a week - Maybe not at the level I would have liked, but met the five days a week.

#23 Monthly coffee/drink date with a girlfriend - Spent a night with a fellow quinquagenarian the day after she turned 50.

#25 Post once a week on Instagram/Facebook - Check my accounts.

#28 Read Still Alice - I thought the author was a very good writer. I often felt like I was the main character. Maybe it had to do with her turning 50 and me not remembering things so well.

#30 Reconnect with an old friend - I worked with Dorothy at NMU in the Development Fund office. We attended hockey games and hung out outside of work. She moved to Ohio and we kept in touch for a short time, but then lost touch. We just reconnected on Facebook and hope to meet up again soon. I hope to reconnect with other people this year that I’ve lost touch with.

#32 Send/leave an inspirational note/compliment to someone each week - Done every week. This was harder than I thought. I kept wondering if what I was sending would be received as inspirational or a compliment.

#34 Start a gratitude journal and place an entry every week - Done every week. This was pretty easy. Guess I’m pretty thankful.

#39 Take a yoga or Pilates class - We joined the local YMCA and Fred went to a Pilates class with me. Not crossing this one off the list just yet as I don’t feel one session constitutes a class.

#41 Try a new food every month - I tried butternut squash at a friend’s house and I made spaghetti squash. The rest of the family had regular spaghetti, just like my mom used to do for us. J

#47 Watch at least 10 sunsets - I watched my first sunset in January. It was a frigid cold evening and the red was compacted around where the sun was setting. But the coolest part was this column of red that was beaming straight up from the sun. Wish I could’ve taken a picture but I was driving.

#48 Watch Still Alice and compare to book – I liked the book better.

#49 Write down one positive thing about myself each week - Done every week. This was a little harder than I thought it would be.

#50 Write in my blog every month - Two months down!

My Year of 50

Welcome, 2018! This is the year our youngest son becomes an adult, our oldest son is no longer a teenager, and I turn f-i-f-t-y. The Big 5-0. I remember when my dad turned 50. Big party, black balloons, and an over the hill cake. It used to seem so old. Half a century old. 

I don’t feel that way about 50 anymore. No anxiety or depression about that number here. I’m actually looking forward to turning 50 and will celebrate it throughout 2018 with a My Year of 50 list. The list began with things I’ve wanted to do for a long time like go to the Lilac Festival, read more, and get a tattoo. I added things I do but would like to do better such as eating more fruits and vegetables and exercising more often. Items I need to or should do this year like get a colonoscopy (ugh) were added, but to get to number 50, I used Google (found some great ideas too).

I’m sharing this list with family and friends for a couple of reasons. The first is that I hope others will join me in completing some of the items on the list. After all, life is more fun when shared with others. The second reason is accountability. If I kept it to myself it would be very easy to not follow through (like all the years I said I’d go to the Lilac Festival and did not). If you’re interested in participating in a number below, please message me. It’s going to be a great year!

My Year of 50

1. Attend hockey game at new arena with Elliott for his 18^th birthday
2. Complete a total of 50k in race/runs
3. Contribute at least 600 miles to my Run 2018 team
4. Eat fewer carbohydrates and less sugar
5. Eat more fruits and veggies
6. Exercise at least five days a week
7. Explore the Apostle Islands, Wisconsin
8. Get a colonoscopy
9. Get a facial
10. Get a tattoo
11. Get highlights
12. Get rid of outdated clothes
13. Go on a picnic
14. Go to a concert at a venue I’ve never been
15. Go to a movie in the middle of the day during the week
16. Go to the Lilac Festival on Mackinac Island
17. Grow a hanging tomato plant
18. Hike on Grand Island, Munising
19. Learn more about my family history
20. Learn some new Finnish and/or Italian words
21. Listen to new music
22. Make mint tea from the plants in our garden
23. Monthly coffee/drink date with a girlfriend
24. Pay for a stranger’s meal
25. Post once a week on Instagram/Facebook
26. Read a classic novel
27. Read Brown Girl Dreaming
28. Read Still Alice
29. Read the Girl in the Spider’s Web
30. Reconnect with an old friend
31. Renew my teaching certificate
32. Send/leave an inspirational note/compliment to someone each week
33. Spend an entire day watching movies/tv (at home)
34. Start a gratitude journal and place an entry every week
35. Stay in bed until 11 am, at least once
36. Stay on Isle Royale
37. Study love as described in the Bible
38. Take a new family photo
39. Take a yoga or Pilates class
40. Take an Ancestry DNA test
41. Try a new food every month
42. Try a new restaurant that is out of my comfort zone
43. Update the photos in the picture frames around the house
44. Volunteer at a soup kitchen (or similar place)
45. Watch a 25 cent movie at the State Theatre
46. Watch a movie at the TC Film Festival
47. Watch at least 10 sunsets
48. Watch Still Alice and compare to book
49. Write down one positive thing about myself each week
50. Write in my blog every month (This post counts for January!)