Hello

Ever since I first heard Adele’s Hello song, I thought of a ‘thousand’ things that could be written in a parody from “your mother’s side.” There are a couple of mother parody videos on the Internet, but I wanted one that my boys could relate to during their teenage years so I wrote my own. This may ruin the popular song for them, but I’m sure they think I ruin plenty of things for them at this time in their lives. Also, I don’t sing (at least not out loud), so the following are just the lyrics.

Hello, it’s me
I was remembering all of the years between you and me
When you were younger and needed me
They say you shouldn’t rush it and now I know just what they mean

 

Hello, can you hear me
I’m at home and dreaming ‘bout the kid you used to be
But now you’re older and don’t need me
You’re independent hanging with your friends instead of family

 

There is so much history between us
A million memories

 

Hello from your mother’s side
I must’ve called a thousand times
To tell you I’m tired of your messy room
Why can’t you pick your clothes up from the floor

 

Hello from the outside
Seems like I’m always your ride
To take you to practice and then bring you home
Did you do your homework or does it need to be done tonight

 

Hello where are you
You’ve been busy growing up and that’s tough for me and dad
I hope that you’re safe
Did you go to that party where nothing good would happen

 

It’s no secret that the both of us
Have made our own mistakes

 

So hello from your mother’s side
I must have cried a thousand times
As I told you I’m sorry for yelling at you
But when I ask you it never seems to get done

 

Hello from my mother’s side
Now I see how she tried
To get me ready for raising your right
I still look for her guidance even though she’s not here anymore

 

Hello from your mother’s side
I must’ve told you a thousand times
Forever I’ll love you whatever you do
Even when you grow up and move from our home

 

Hello from the outside
You will not believe my pride
When you get married and have kids of your own
But don’t hurry it clearly doesn’t have to be soon at all

(I can see all kinds of places where the boys will be giving me grief, but I’m posting this anyway.)

Writing this parody was fun. We were five hours into a nine hour car ride to my sister-in-law’s house for Christmas. Our youngest son and I were in the back seat listening and “rewinding” (Can you rewind digital?) Adele’s Hello song on his phone while we tried to come up with words that made sense and fit into the music. Every time I wrote ‘hello,’ I would spell it hellow. Every. Time. And every time I would laugh at myself. That’s something my mom would have done. As I laughed at myself, I could hear her laugh. This parody may not make the top 10 (or even top 10,000), but the joy it brought me in reminiscing about my mom and making a new memory with E tops my list.

Let Them Participate in Extra-Curriculars

 As I watched our son interact with his sailing friends at dinner last night, his sports “career” flashed through my mind.  All the hockey, football, baseball, cross country, sailing, and soccer practices and events we have been to over the years. So many early mornings. So many miles in the car. So much money spent on sports fees, equipment, shoes, camps, food, lodging, etc. Observing him at the table, his body language, facial expressions, and actions, I realized how important his involvement in sports was to him and to me.

Maybe I’m just getting nostalgic as it’s his senior year or maybe it’s the trip we’re currently on. I’m not sure why those images are flashing through my mind, but I sure am enjoying them. On this current trip, I feel I have reconnected with him, having real, normal conversations in the car like we used to. (As compared to the few conversations we have at home that revolve around schedules, homework, cleaning his room, and scholarship applications.) The difference now is that he’s doing some of the driving.

In our workout room, there are framed pictures of the boys in all their sports over the years. Every time I am in that room (wishing I spent more time in there), I look at those pictures and reminisce about the team they were on or a particular play they made or something about that time in their lives. Watching them grow and mature in their skills, and in life, through these sports has been an important part of my own growth. I believe these experiences help me practice patience, enhance my time management and budgeting skills, and become a better parent.

As I reflected on these memories, I remembered this blog post from our younger son when he was in seventh grade. I thought it quite insightful for a 12-year old, and one that made me realize how important sports were to him.

Why sports matter

Almost everyone has at least one activity that they love. For some women it may be shopping, for men it could be fixing cars, but for many athletes there is one sport that we just cannot live without. I was reminded of that the other day when I went back to hockey practice after taking a year off. You see us athletes, we do love the sports that we play. But, it’s more than the sport, it’s what the sport gives back.

Playing sports gives you a sense of accomplishment. Athletes love when the coach tells them “good job,” or when they make a big play to help the team out. If you ask me, I have yet to find a better feeling in life than making an open field tackle to stop the other team from getting a touchdown, or stopping someone on a breakaway to keep my team in the game. For many athletes, they look forward to the next goal they score, or the next big hit they layout as much as some people might look forward to their next paycheck. Achievements in sports are just somehow more fulfilling than many other accomplishments. Maybe it’s because it not only helps you, but also your team, or maybe it’s because YOU did it instead of anyone else from the entire other team or even the rest of your team.

I think possibly even more importantly than what you accomplish, is the friends that you make. When hanging out with people day in and day out at practices and games, you make special bonds. You help each other through much physical and emotional pain, especially when you travel with your team as much as much as you do in hockey. In hockey, you become more than just teammates, you become friends. When you play with them your whole life, you become more than friends even… you become family. You feel comfortable around them. You often can trust your teammates more than anyone else. I think it’s because you have to trust them in games, and you learn to trust in them in real life.

This is why I think sports are very important for kids to be involved in. It is a chance for kids to set their differences aside and work together and bond together. It will help them make new friends, and teach them many important life lessons.

http://astheclockrunsdown.blogspot.com/

For my boys, when you get irritated that your kids’ sports schedules infringe on your free time or frustrated that there’s not enough money left for you to buy what you want, remember the experiences you had as a youth, the friends you made, and the lessons you learned. Even though dad and I have complained plenty about the time commitment and cost of sports, I hope this post lets you know that it was a worthwhile investment. Be part of your children’s lives by being involved in their extra-curriculars, whatever they may be.

Committing To Your Vows

I do. I will. I promise. I give you my word. You can count on me. We make promises and commitments to our spouses, children, parents, friends, and co-workers. Some of these are short-term (I'll be at your hockey game on Friday), while others are for a life-time (till death do us part).

No matter the time frame, my dad taught me to follow through with my commitments and do what I vowed. Yes, I said vowed. According to the dictionary, a vow is a promise, a pledge, an oath, or a guarantee. Whether I am committing to a project for a client, promising my friend that I will care for her dog when she is on vacation, or pledging to volunteer at a nonprofit event, someone is counting on me to follow through on my word.

A couple weeks ago, I attended my cousin's wedding. Most of us are familiar with the traditional wedding vows...for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health till death do us part. Of course we love the person we are marrying, but at the time we make this vow, with a bundle of joyous emotions, most of us don't know how long it really will be until death completes that commitment. Throughout our marriage, each of these vows is tested.

I have had my share of 'worse' times in our marriage; speaking before thinking, impatience, assumption, saying hurtful things, too much focus on my job, saying too much, suspicion, talking in a negative or accusatory tone, short tempered. If you didn’t notice, my tongue is probably my “worst” culprit in our marriage. One of my favorite commercials was of a woman talking about celebrating a milestone anniversary. Her happy voice recalls all the things this person has endured in their marriage. While the listener assumes she's talking about her husband’s faults, she ends by saying how thankful she is that her husband still loved her after all these years. I’m thankful my husband continues to put up with the worse in me.

Throughout our marriage, there have been times when I have been the breadwinner and times when my husband has been the main source of our income. In “richer” times, we’ve both had full-time good paying jobs. But whether rich or poor, all marriages encounter financial stress. Any disagreements about money in our marriage have not been so much about the amount of money we had, but on our view of how it should be spent. I like to spend my money on travel and memory making while he leans towards purchases. We’ve learned to compromise.

My grandma was tested multiple times in the sickness department before my grandpa passed away. At one point in their marriage, my grandpa, a stubborn Italian, fell off the roof and broke his neck. During his recovery he would have her adjust the screws on his halo brace. Not sure I could do that. Twice she nursed him through cancer, feeding him through a tube, cleaning up after he’d get sick, and dealing with his physical and emotional stress that comes with having cancer. The commitment it took for this woman to care for this man in these situations is a perfect example of following through on her in sickness and in health vow.

My other grandparents were married 68 years, but were together for 70 years before death parted them. Seventy years! I think about all the hardships they endured during that time. A loss of an infant son, numerous health issues, financial problems, raising five kids. Before the funeral, the pastor asked my grandma what kept them together so long. She said they made a vow to each other. A vow that surpassed falling in and out of, and back in, love. A vow, that no matter the situation, they would stay together. A vow that they promised to keep until one of them left this earth.

So to my boys, follow through with your all your promises and commitments completely (especially the one about taking care of your mom forever). When you are ready to make your marriage vows to your soul mate or love of your life, know that it is for the long haul. There will be times of better and worse, richer and poorer, sickness and health. You’re going to have struggles, but each offers the opportunity to make your marriage stronger until death does you part.

Making Moments with Forced Family Fun Days

As this summer quickly winds down and another school year approaches, I again realize how much I need to focus on being in (and just enjoying) the moment. Our oldest will begin his senior year of high school this fall. I know how cliche it is to say, "Where has the time gone?" But seriously, where has the time gone! I still have pictures in my mind of his big blue eyes, baby-toothed smile, and cute high-pitched voice asking me question after question as he explored all things new in his world.

 Now he is a man. He still has those big blue eyes and beautiful smile (thanks, Dr. Reed), but with a voice much deeper that shares with me how much he's learned in his life. He has grown into a tall, lean and muscular body much like his dad's. He holds down multiple jobs, maintains his car, does his laundry (when he runs out of underwear), prepares his own food (anything quick), and has continued a serious long-distance relationship. These are all things he will be doing as an adult on his own.

I've spent a lot of moments with the boys over their lifetime...at the park, beach, skatepark, movies, countless hours of car time, learning to have a 'mom-clean' bedroom, cooking... I see that time getting shorter and shorter as they get older and develop busier lives of their own with jobs, friends, and interests that don't involve me. So to be sure we all carve out time to make more moments, I

enacted Forced Family Fun weekends this summer. In June we spent a day biking and hiking at Sleeping Bear Dunes, a day sailing on Suttons Bay, and a day boating on Lake Leelanau. July brought a quick trip to the UP where we jumped off Black Rock Cove, shopped at Da Yoopers Tourist Trap (viewed differently now that they are older), and visited family and friends. This weekend we will be traveling to Kalamazoo to spend time with my in-laws as we celebrate my father-in-laws' retirement. I feel blessed to have these two to three days at a time where all four of us are making memories together, something I know is, and will continue to be, in limited supply.

This realization and reflection is bittersweet to me. I keep tearing up as I sit in the waiting area of the car dealership writing this (the other customers are wondering what is wrong with me) knowing that our complete family time is limited. But I also swell with pride knowing that the boys are going to do fine on their own when they leave the nest. I addition to that, I look forward to spending time with my husband, enjoying what we used to do before kids (adjusted for the 'physical' cost of living). As I remind him, preparing the boys for their futures is the task we were assigned to do. And until that future becomes the present, I'm going to live in as many moments I can "force" on them.

How Do You Prioritize Friendship?

We all must prioritize relationships in our lives, and at different times in our lives, we prioritize different relationships. As a teenager, my relationship priority was my friends, not my family. At the time I realized I loved the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with, my priority changed from friends to him, to the point that I spent a summer in Alaska with him instead of being in my friends’ weddings. (Thank goodness those friends understood and are still a part of my life.) When our kids were born, my relationship with the babes became a higher priority than spending time with others, sometimes even my husband (…remembering the exhaustion).

Prioritizing does not mean that ALL your time has to be on a particular relationship. In fact, that would be quite unhealthy. I can prioritize my husband and children and still find time to spend a weekend with friends or regularly walk the dog, since we have a relationship too (although she’s much better at the relationship than I am). I can even spend time with my family and friends at the same time.

A couple of days ago, I prioritized visiting a friend I had not seen in over 15 years, and I’m so glad that I did! Bill returns from California every summer to visit his parents, yet I’ve failed to get there to see him.  Sure, we are connected through Facebook, but getting a hug and talking do not even compare to my computer screen. This summer, I traveled the five short hours to the house on the lake for a visit. Not only were we able to reminisce about the past and catch up on the past 15 years, I was able to meet his children and fiancé, reconnect with his parents, and visit with his siblings. What made it even more special to me is that my family could be there too, a feat in itself with two working teenagers. I’m so thankful that they prioritized this time to spend with me.

As an added bonus, my long-time friend, Paula, was able to stop out to visit as well. Even though it has not been too long since we have been together (we ran a 5K in May), it’s always encouraging to see her. While her recent blog post (Hat of Many Colors - Friends and Motivators) mentions that I inspired her to start running again, she also inspires me to keep going with this blog (even if Bill was the instigator this time around).

I have moved around quite a bit in my adulthood and have left many friends. I have had close friends move away from me. But friendships are for a lifetime, if we only make the effort. With lifetime friends, it’s easy to pick up right where you left off. This is one lesson I see my children already learning. After moving away from the only home they had known for their 13+ years, our boys have made some wonderful new friends. They still keep in contact with their many of their old ones as well. Technology has played a large role in this, but they also make an effort to see those friends face-to-face whenever possible. As their lives get more complicated with college, careers, and families of their own, I hope they will successfully continue to prioritize and re-prioritize their relationships in life.

So to my boys (who I hope will be reading this in the future, but who are also “proofing” this post for me today)…Which relationships are you prioritizing today? Is this a season in your life where your friends are a priority? Maybe you are in a time period of your life where you should be prioritizing your spouse or your children (this time is shorter than you think).  Maybe you finally stumbled upon this blog in your empty-nester years and you realize that your relationship priority needs to be your parents. Don’t worry, I’ll forgive you for all those years when you had other priorities.

Sibling Rivalship

"Don't talk to me in the hall." Those were the instructions to my incoming freshman brother from the 11th grade me. How hurtful! What was I thinking? I'm sure I didn't want him to embarrass me or to take over any "popularity" I had garnered for myself. It was inconsiderate and selfish nonetheless. Of course when he started high school, all my fears were for naught. He was accepted, people liked him and they knew he was my brother. Why is it that the most important relationships in our lives are often the ones we take for granted?

DJ and I - circa 1973

DJ is two years younger than me. As kids, we were pretty close. When I was in second grade, he rode my shiny, green, banana-seat bike too fast down a hill and had a nasty crash. He was lying on the couch when I got home from school, all scratched up and stitches above his right eye. I remember my mom telling me how his leather jacket protected him from being in worse shape, and that I was more concerned if he was okay than about my bike. (Although I was pretty mad that he wrecked my new bike!) When we moved out of town to the house our dad grew up in, we spent a lot of time together. We hiked, had picnics, fished in the creek and took care of the animals my dad insisted we have on our "farm." We'd play school where I was the teacher and he was the student. No wonder he didn't really like school much!

Like any relationship though, there were times when we didn't get along. DJ was more mischievous than me. He and a friend were caught smoking cigarette butts in the neighbor's car and another time he lit the forest near our house on fire. He even shot me with a BB gun! For my part, I was (he'd probably say I still am) very bossy. I would tell him what to do, in a tone of voice that I'm sure was far from pleasant. I'd take advantage of being the oldest in the family and felt I knew what was best for everyone. And there were times where I was selfish, like the high school examples above, and hurt the ones I was supposed to love the most. Unfortunately my behavior continued to affect our relationship into adulthood.

Our boys and my youngest brother

Over the last couple of years as DJ and I have been in touch more often, I've been thinking about sibling relationships and wondering how my children's sibling relationship will be as adults. Our teenage boys, who are 18 months apart, get along well. When they were younger, playing at the beach, skate park or in the yard was fun to watch. Today, they share a passion for playing hockey, hangout with each other's friends and seem to have a mutual respect for one another. I haven't witnessed a physical fight, a yelling match or the silent treatment. And when our youngest started high school, the oldest didn't tell him not to talk to him at school (as far as I know).

I'm not saying they always play nice in the sandbox. There have been times when our younger son complained about his older brother "always" being mean to him or the older one being annoyed with his younger brother tagging along. These are normal growing pains of sibling relationships. I'm sure in the next couple of years they have left together before the oldest leaves for college, there will be some sand throwing.

One of the last family pictures
when all siblings were together

The boys' relationship will continue throughout their entire lives. As they become adults, what will it look like? Will they live near one another? Will they be close and call or see each other often? With they continue to have similar interests? Will they make time to keep this relationship close or will they drift apart? I know that their careers will lead them in different paths and that spouses and families can keep them physically separate, but I pray that they find ways to stay closely connected. Even with technology and social media, it's not always easy to maintain sibling relationships, as many of us know. I hope they make the effort. Which reminds me, I need to call my brother.

Are Microplastics in Your Face Cleanser?

Have you ever thought about your relationship with the environment? Most of the time, we think of relationships as something between people. But how we treat the environment affects us. Isn’t that similar to relationships with people? I’ve been a long-time recycler of cardboard, plastic, glass and paper, but today I made the commitment to add microplastics to my list of environmental concerns.

As I was squeezing the last drop of Noxzema Ultimate Clear Anti-Blemish Daily Scrub from its tube this morning, I thought of the resolution adopted by the Traverse City commissioners urging residents to avoid using personal care products containing microbeads. I also wondered…how do I know if my face soap contains microbeads, so I did a little research.

From my husband, who works at Inland Seas Education Association (schoolship.org), I already knew that microplastics is becoming an environmental issue for the Great Lakes. Since these tiny plastic beads do not biodegrade, they are there forever. As they float on the surface of the water, they collect “stuff” and fish mistake them for food. Fish eat them, and since we eat fish, we are eating plastic. Sounds yummy. There are current studies being conducted on the impact of microplastics on the food chain, but I’m not waiting for their results to change my purchasing habits.

Microplastics can be found in exfoliating face washes, body washes, body scrubs, hand sanitizers and toothpaste. The ingredient listed is usually polyethylene, but could also be polypropylene, polyethylene terephthalate, polymethyl methacrylate or nylon. I’m not a scientist, but I can read labels. (By the way, my face scrub is microbead free. It’s made by Unilever who has promised “to phase out plastic scrub beads from personal care products…by 2015” according to beatthemicrobead.org. It contains Jojoba Esters instead of plastic.)

http://waterandmoreblog.com/2013/04/13/
uncovering-great-lakes-garbage-patch/

So what am I going to do to protect the environment from microplastics. First of all, I’m telling anyone who reads this about the issue so that they can be aware and share it with others. Next, I’m going to read the label of products before I buy them and not purchase products that contain microbeads. Other people are contacting manufacturers or pushing for legislation to stop the production of products using microplastics. Protecting our resources is important for our future generations and the relationship they will have with the environment. Think of the movie Wall-E where the earth becomes inhospitable due, in part, to environmental problems. I don’t want that, do you?